I had never experienced heartbreak. I was always able to eat anything I wanted to, without having to worry about gaining weight. I lived in a home with both my parents and both my sisters. Most of my worries came from balancing my social life, sports, and homework. Boy was I in for a surprise.
I've never been the relationship type. It could be that my standards are way too high, or that I just get annoyed too easily. Either way, I only had one boyfriend in middle school, and one boyfriend in high school, (who just so happened to be the same person). I never really understood people who were clingy in their relationships, or people who fell in love in such a short period of time. I would talk to different boys throughout high school, but I would always get annoyed, or make up different reasons as to why this person would never workout. My high school relationship wasn't very serious, but at the time it felt like everything. When my relationship ended badly, I didn't understand why I was so upset. When things didn't work out with other boys in my past, I never cried, and I was over it within a couple of days.
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I would be lying if I said I don't still get upset about the way that relationship ended, but I can officially say I've moved on from the past and there are no hard feelings. Before this relationship ended, I was blessed that I never had to go through an emotional pain that made me feel physically hurt. I somehow made it up until two weeks before leaving for college to experience that. I had sheltered myself from this emotional pain, and in the end, I was mostly angry at myself for letting that shelter down. Although I was angry at myself at the time, I am now grateful I no longer shelter myself because that is not a great way to live. I've learned to become more open to relationships, feelings, and love (even though I haven't experienced that kind of love yet), and that is a much healthier way to live.
Not only was I sheltered from heartbreak, but I was also sheltered in every other aspect of life in my little town of 14,141 people. I grew up in an average-looking home, with my mom, my dad, my two sisters, and my two dogs. The longest I had to go without seeing my parents was a week while I was at summer camp. My older sister went away to college when I was a junior, but she was only a couple hours away so we would still go watch her soccer games every few weekends. I was used to constantly being around my family, and I wasn't complaining. Once I went 17 hours away to college, I experienced extreme homesickness for the first time. It took a few weeks for it to kick in, but once I started to miss home, it started to take over how I lived my life. I called and Facetimed my parents several times a day, hoping that would help a little. My mom had a conference for work a few hours away from my school in the beginning of November, but I was only able to see her for a couple of days.
I had gone almost three months without seeing my mom, and over three months without seeing my dad, and that was way too long for me. It took a lot out of me, but I decided to transfer to a college only a couple hours away from home for my second semester. Although I wanted to stay down in South Carolina, I knew the smart thing for me to do was to transfer closer to my family. I realized in those few months that I am more of a homebody than I thought, and I was okay with that. In order to become a happier and emotionally healthier version of myself, I had to give up something I wanted to so badly work out.
Along with realizing in my first few weeks of college that I am actually a homebody, I also realized I have to actually eat healthy and do cardio in order to stay in shape. Growing up, my parents always fed me and my sisters fairly healthy foods. We were introduced to soda and most junk foods when we would go over to our friend's houses. The first time I had fast food was at a birthday party at Burger King, (I still wonder why people had birthday parties there). Once we realized how delicious unhealthy foods were, we would always beg my parents to buy processed foods. Of course we were relentless, so a majority of the time they would have to give in. Since my sisters and I were always active, and had fast metabolisms, my parents never had to worry about us becoming overweight. They would always make us eat our vegetables, and try to get us to eat healthy, but they could only do so much. All throughout high school, I would still eat well-balanced meals, but I definitely enjoyed junk food as well. I was fit, I didn't think I had to worry about that.
Once I got to college, I continued to eat the way I always had. Except once I got to college, I wasn't doing sports. I would still go to the gym, but I never had to work out before, so I didn't know how to properly work out. Instead of doing mostly cardio, I would do leg or ab workouts, thinking that would keep me in shape. Since with college comes new sleeping and eating habits, my way of working out was not working for me. I had to learn the hard way that cardio and eating well-balanced meals was way more necessary than I thought. Even though it has been an extremely hard and long process, I have become more fit and way healthier than I ever have been in the past. I've learned what works for me when it comes to working out. I feel much more energized and healthier now that I am drinking lots of water and feeding my body healthy foods.
It sucks that most of the time, people have to go through hardships in order to learn how to become a better version of themselves. In the past couple years I've learned so much about growing up and so much about myself. I would continue to shelter myself from feelings and relationships if I didn't have to experience heartbreak. I would still be homesick 17 hours away if I didn't make the decision to transfer to a college closer to home. I would still be unsure about working out and I would still feed myself unhealthy foods if I didn't become out of shape in college. Although it wasn't easy for me to realize these things, I'll always be grateful I had to experience them in order to become a healthier version of myself.
