No one looks forward to a chat with customer service, whether it's with your bank, cable/internet provider, or cell phone company. Despite the extensive amount of time information systems employees work to code the automated responses that are supposed to enhance the quality of our customer service, we find ourselves stuck on hold waiting for an operator. For the most part, these phone calls consistently take up to an hour including hold time, representative time, and time spent attempting to resolve the issue. So what is it exactly about Verizon Wireless that makes you want to slam the phone into the wall and consume a bleach cocktail? Off the top of my head, I can only think of about 300 reasons, but I would hate to be inaccurate, as I'm sure there are far more contributing factors I am overlooking.

Over this past week the internal hardware on my iPhone 5 crashed. Something that should be covered by not only the one year apple warranty, but also by the hefty insurance that has been paid routinely on time for every line in my plan over the course of the past year. However, due to the condition and damage to the outer face of the phone, the apple warranty was void- according to the first customer service representative I talked to on trip #1 to the Verizon store. I calmly explained to this man that I was going out of the country in a week for the first time, and by myself on top of that so I was looking for a pretty quick solution. He handed me a card for the insurance provider they partner with, "Asurion," and told me to call them because there was "absolutely nothing they could do." Accepting my defeat i walked back to my car and gave the number a call. The number first prompts you to Verizon customer service, where you are then forced to endure a 20 minute endeavor including but not limited to, listening to endless questions from an automated teller, keying in personal information and having it repeated back every single time, and of course- the dreaded 'hold' until the "next available representable can attend to you."

Ok, get it together. We're about to explain this entire story to another idiot. Deep breath in- I will not raise my voice...I will not raise my voice...

After spending about an hour on the phone with Verizon and Asurion, I had finally reached a resolution. The smug phone teller who made many condescending comments at my expense (as well as his coworkers I could hear giggling in the background) had me a phone overnighted for the SMALL** fee of $140 dollars roughly. Thats a tough bite to chew off, considering this phone wasn't even new, just refurbished due to its prior inability to work for another customer. Verizon has set us all up in a perpetual money thieving scheme that allows for the consumer to spend all their earnings on a device they know will surely break again. (And this doesn't even include the medical expenses associated with drinking that bleach cocktail...). However, satisfied that after two trips to the actual store itself, as well as a phone call to the company I would finally have a working phone, I hung up and waited for its arrival.

Fast forward a bit...MONDAY! Yes. Today is the day! My new phone is scheduled to arrive. Around 7 PM the phone is in fact delivered and signed off on. I, then, spend around an hour attempting to activate the refurbished phone and restore the previous settings, contacts etc. By 8:30 I am seemingly good to go, and finally at peace that my problems have been solved. Planted on the couch, ready to watch the GOP debate, I turn on my phone and engage in a group chat with my friends over the ridiculous things Donald Trump is saying ( and not to mention the fact he quite resembled a baby chicken). About half an hour in all is going well. Then I pick up my phone to make a witty remark in the chat, only to find the screen black. Odd, I thought, but assumed it had died and attempted to plug it in. After 10 minutes, the phone still could not turn on. I tried every combination of chargers in the house- tearing up and down the stairs in a fit of rage. Two hours of attempting to do a soft reset and recharge passed with no result. Now my blood is boiling, and I've got a few words for these soul stealing a**holes that are ruining my only vacation of the year. Logging onto their page, I begin a live chat with none other than- customer service~~**!! If you've ever tried to converse with Verizon in this way, don't waste your time. These representatives are somehow even worse then the in store representatives. Angry and tired I resolve to my bed for the night.

9 A.M. I roll my ass out of bed and head down to the store to give these people a piece of my mind.

I am a confident, independent woman (so I tell myself.) They are going to take me seriously, and they are going to LIKE IT.

Walking in the door I immediately request a manager as I fold my arms and furrow my brow. Man, was this guy about to get an ear full from me! I had it all planned..he wasn't going to get a word in edgewise. As he walked up I realized, not only was he not a manager, he was the same representative I had dealt with in store visit number 1! "Absolutely not," I thought to myself. When he approached me and asked what he could do, I let out a stern string of what felt like rage that had built up over years...and maybe it was. I explained how I was leaving TOMORROW for Mexico, and I was not exiting the store until I was helped. A working phone truly isn't much to ask for. He then said my refurbished phone was "fine" and he would put it on a "real charger" while I got some lunch and to come back in an hour. First of all- what is a "real charger"?! And if such a thing exists, what the hell am I using at home, if not a "real charger"?! Unhappily, I left, only to return one hour later. He reproached me and said "Yeah, I see what you meant now..its not turning on.."

SALDGK@$@^!!*****!*!@!#)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS LYING AND I JUST WANTED TO COME BACK AND SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOU?!

He walked me to the back as he could tell I was becoming heated. He got on the phone with Asurion, and one hour later told me there was yet again, nothing they could do.

Now- this story would normally end here with a rant about how Verizon is a bunch of good for nothing thieves who don't care about their clientele- which is true don't get me wrong. But there is a glimmer of shining existence in my fortunate case, and that glimmer is named Jackie.

Jackie overheard the entire thing including my rant when I first walked in. So just as I was about to give up hope and purchase a damn Cricket for my trip, she stopped me and said, "I'm going to give you an early upgrade, so you can leave with a working phone today. I already got it approved from my manager."

WELL, GOD BLESS YOU, JACKIE. YOU ARE THE SILVER LINING IN THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE WITH VERIZON. But seriously, if it wasn't for this woman who went to bat with her manager to give me what I needed.. I'd probably end up kidnapped in a hut somewhere spending the rest of my days serving a Mexican drug lord. So here's to you Jackie! I'll be sure to slam back an extra Bacardi 151 on your behalf while I'm laying under a palm tree, surfing the web on my iPhone 6. As for the rest of you- Kiss my ass you butt sucking monkeys.