We all feel anxious at some points in our lives. It's natural for us to feel nervous when preparing for a public speech or class presentation. Meeting new people can also make us nervous because we're afraid of those first conversations with a stranger. When we actually become diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, though, is when our anxiety becomes a problem.

Last year, which was my freshman year of college, I was nervous about coming to a new school. I had trouble making friends the first couple of weeks of school. I was suggested to start seeing a counselor here at school, and so I did. After I had to take a procedural test to see if I actually had anxiety or not, it was confirmed that I had a mild anxiety disorder. It has only been a downward spiral from there.

No matter what I do, something in the back of my head tells me that I should be nervous or I'm wrong with whatever I'm doing. Speeches and presentations are horrific because all I can think about are the many pairs of eyes that I'll have to speak to and the judgments that I may face when doing so. It's not just a case of being nervous; it's an actual issue. Besides always doubting myself, there are other issues with anxiety that some of you may not be familiar with. For example, having trouble concentrating is another side effect of having this disorder. Dozing off in class is common with most students, but trying to pay attention and physically not being able to because your brain cannot focus is a whole other situation. It's exhausting.

I wish my grades were as great as they were in high school, but as the years have progressed, so has my anxiety. My grades have plummeted. I wish that I had realized that my anxiety was a problem way earlier, so that maybe I could have treated it better before I came to school. I realized it a little too late, though. After being diagnosed with this mild disorder, I thought that I would be able to overcome many situations that I tend to be anxious in because I would know that it was just my disorder trying to take over. This hasn't been the case, though.

I feel like realizing that I have this issue has just made it worse. For example, when I actually began making friends last year and they wanted to do things around campus, I would tag along to try and get over my anxiety. Instead, the fact that I realized I had anxiety just made me more aware of what made me anxious. I should have tried to push it away, but I just paid more attention to it and let it ruin the experience for me. I was so afraid to do things because of my excessive worry that everyone would be watching me and pay attention to my every wrong move. Instead of having fun, I felt like every little thing I did was wrong or embarrassing.

It made situations with my friends even worse. I'm in a constant state of fear that one day my friends will decide they don't want me around anymore, and it hurts. Because of this feeling, I watch what I say to them and I've found it extremely difficult to trust them. Sometimes I have trouble trusting my own best friend, who I feel like I could trust my life with at other times. These thoughts make me depressed and I want to be alone from everyone, so that I don't annoy them by being around them. I hate having to deal with these emotions.

Let's not even get started on the sleep aspect. Most of the time, I have trouble getting to sleep because as soon as I lay down, any minor problems that I may be facing around that time suddenly become major issues in my head and I spend all night dwelling on them. I have tried to force myself to go to sleep by trying to exhaust myself or make myself tired before I lay down, but I somehow always become extremely alert when I try to sleep. Sometimes, it's not just trying to go to sleep that is an issue. I could fall asleep with no difficulty, but in the middle of the night, I'll wake up wide awake and dwell on issues. Most of the time, I'll wake up exactly an hour and a half before my alarm goes off, and it exhausts me because I won't be able to go back to sleep since I'm having trouble pushing away these anxious thoughts. Being exhausted all the time due to this sleeping issue is having serious effects on my everyday life, whether it be dealing with my mood or my concentration.

If any of you have to deal with a disorder like anxiety or depression or something similar, I am so sorry. I understand how you feel. For those of you who have been diagnosed with severe anxiety, I honestly applaud you. I feel terrible only having it mildly, and I have no idea what I would do with myself if it continued to become more of a severe issue. If you have are living a life like this, I hope you get better. I hope you are able to find something or someone that helps you try to overcome your disorder. Until then, just know that you're not alone, I promise. I'm right there with you.

I would also like to thank my friends from the bottom of my heart for dealing with me and trying to help me get passed this issue. If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't have been able to continue with school last year, but you made me feel like a part of a family and I love you for that. You guys are the only solution that I have found to making me feel a little better when my anxiety starts to become uncontrollable. Especially you, Crispy. You're my best friend and you have been the biggest help. Without you, I don't know what I would do. I love you.