I feel like pretty much everyone experiences the Spanish Inquisition when they go home to their family over school breaks. Thanksgiving, specifically, is a holiday where many family members (who may or may not particularly like each other) are all forced together for one meal of awkward catching up and invasive questioning. Here are some "acceptable" and totally made up answers to the horrible questions that will inevitably bring up.
"How's school going?"
What you want to say: I'm exhausted. I don't think I've slept more than 4 hours per night for the last month because either I'm studying or I'm drinking away my stress. I also ate ramen noodles for the 5th night in a row for dinner. So there's that.
What you should say: Good, great, fabulous. I love my classes. My friends are cool. School couldn't be better!
"What's your major?"
What you want to say: Ummm… can I say "undecided"? Or at least "decided but seriously questioning my life choices"?
What you will say: I'm pre-med!
"What do you plan on doing with that?"
What you want to say: Hell if I know.
What you will say: -insert some type of med/law/graduate-school-!
"Do you have a girl/boyfriend?"
-if you're single-
What you want to say: I think I'm going to die alone aside from my 20 cats. At least I'll have a pretty impressive number and list of hot one-night-stands.
What you will say: I'm taking my academics very seriously right now.
-if you're in a relationship-
What you want to say: Yes, I'm dating the hottest guy/girl ever who you would totally not approve of for a dozen different reasons.
What you will say: Yes, I'm dating a very nice guy/girl with a generic major who is good enough for X reasons but not too good so that you want me to marry him/her just yet. I'm only 20. But they are the same religion as me (just to avoid the horrible disappointment from the elder generation).
"Whatever happened to that boy/girl from Thanksgiving last year?"
What you want to say: He/she broke my heart and I cried into a tub of Ben & Jerry's for a week, plus I drunk text him/her at least once a month and he/she hasn't answered. Hence, the extra 10 pounds.
What you will say: We were going in different directions so I ended it, but we're still friends.
"Will you help me make a Facebook?"
What you want to say: HAHAHHAHA…no.
What you will say: Of course, Grandma (and avoid avoid avoid for the rest of the night).
"Darling, did you gain some weight?"
What you want to say: Well, Aunt Darla, why don't you shove your opinions up your--
What you will say: Well, you know, its so hard to find time to hit the gym while maintaining my 3.9 GPA (and then smile sweetly while passive aggressively implying that, while you might be fatter than your cousin, at least you're smarter).
And after all of these answers, force yourself to plaster on a nice big smile and pretend you aren't angered by the invasiveness and stupidity radiating from the opposite side of the table.
Bonus: make sure you sit next to the cool cousin who won't judge your life choices and who is willing to get wine drunk with you off of horrible chardonnay.
