Through all my years of schooling, one thing has remained constant: my love of English classes. So upon entering college, becoming an English major was what needed to happen. So far it's been great--fantastic, even. But there's one thing that has plagued my English career from Day One: Essays. So, for those of you who are curious, here's a basic rundown of my essay-writing process. And for my fellow English people, feel free to nod along knowingly as you read this.
2 Weeks Until Essay Is Due
-Ok, so my final essay is due in exactly two weeks--that gives me plenty of time to work on it.
-You know what? I'm going to make this my best essay yet.
-I'm going to come up with an analysis that I'm actually proud of.
*Brainstorms for approximately 10 minutes and then puts notebook away, satisfied*
A Few Days Pass
-Ok...it's been a while since I've worked on this.
-You know what? It's totally fine--I've still got time.
-I'll even go through and do a bit more outlining!
*Briefly flips through the notebook I brainstormed in*
*Puts it away without writing anything new*
-Yep, I'm pretty much the best student.
-So, so studious.
A Few More Days Pass
-Wow, I'm so glad I'm on top of all my studying.
*Remembers that I have an essay due and panics about the due date*
*Frantically looks through the syllabus to see when exactly the paper is due*
-Oh, good--it's not due for another 4 days.
-I'm so great at time management.
*Watches Netflix to congratulate myself on my scholarly pursuits*
The Day Before The Essay Is Due
-Oh, no.
-I'm made a terrible mistake.
-Why did I do this to myself?
-What do all these random things I wrote down even mean?
-Ok, so what can I even argue about in this essay?
-What if I don't care about any arguments I could make in this essay?
-You know what--it's fine. I'll just make something up.
*Writes furiously*
-Wow. That's definitely a stretch.
-But it's all I have, so we're going with it.
2 Hours Until The Essay Is Due
-Holy crap. I don't even know if this is in English.
-Also, I can't remember what exactly my thesis is about anymore.
-And I don't know if the last paragraph I wrote fits in with it at all.
-Am I even proving my point--whatever that point was? (Because I can't remember.)
-Why do I do this every time?
*Bangs head repeatedly on table*
20 Minutes Until The Essay Is Due
-I can't feel my brain anymore.
-I hate this.
-I hate my work ethic.
*Computer decides to spontaneously restart and I start pulling out my hair*
4 Minutes Until The Essay Is Due
-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
*Types so fast my fingers are blurry*
11:59--Essay Is Now Due
-Oh. My. God.
*Sits back, exhausted*
-I am both in awe of and severely disappointed in myself.
-I honestly don't know what I just wrote.
-Nope. No idea.
-That's it. Never again.
-I will NEVER wait until the last minute again.
*LIES*
