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How It All Ends

Still Pretty

Semajh

Jan 17, 2017

Five Towns College

Semajh

Joan: WHAT IN THIS FUCKING WORLD MADE YOU THINK IT WAS OK ON ANY LEVEL TO GIVE MY HUSBAND YOU’RE FUCKING NUMBER HERE?! THAT’S MY HUSBAND, HE’S FUCKING ME, NOT YOU, ME! YOU GET IT?

Jac: Not for long.

JOAN; WHAT DID YOU JU….

Jac:NOT FOR LONG BITC….

Joan snaps and lunges onto Jacqueline pulling her hair and hitting her violently. The warden and Guadalupe jump in trying to separate the girls.

Warden: JOAN,JOAN THAT’S ENOUGH JOAN! JOAN!

Guadalupe: LET GO OF HER, LET GO OF HER HAIR!

Joan keeps kicking and slapping Jacqueline, ahandful of hair wrapped in her hand as the warden, Guadalupe, and now the reinforcements try to break up the fight.

WARDEN: ALRIGHT JOAN THAT’S ENOUGH, LET HER GO!

GUADALUPE: COME IN CHICA. STOP!YOU GOT IT,YOU GOT HER, LET HER GO! YOU WON,YOU DID THAT! LET GO!!

Several minutes later Joan is finally pried off of Jacqueline. There’s a cut on Jacqueline’s cheek as Joan is carried away, she drops a handful of Jacqueline’s hair.

Joan: See you at breakfast puttana! It’s your favorite…oatmeal!

Jacqueline sits up in disbelief thinking about what just happened. She walks over to the one mirror in the clinic, tussles her hair and wipes the blood off her cheek pulling her hair back. She looks in the mirror and smiles taking a deep breath.

Jacqueline: Still Pretty.

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Still Pretty

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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