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How To Be A Hot Mom According To Fergie's "M.I.L.F.$"

Please don't google "MILF."

Corbett De Giacomo

Jul 06, 2016

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How To Be A Hot Mom According To Fergie's "M.I.L.F.$"

vevo.com

Fergie's new song; "M.I.L.F.$" is great for two reasons:

1. It has a dollar sign in the name.

2. It has a killer music video.

No, seriously, this is the music video to end all music videos. Move over, "You Belong With Me" because this one really takes the cake. Let me paint you a picture. The "M.I.L.F.$" video is basically a "Got Milk?" ad featuring a whole squad of other celeb moms. It also includes some nude bodysuits and some casual breastfeeding. Not picturing it yet? I guess I'll just have to show you some of the highlights. Basically, Fergie sing-raps while showing us that she's not a regular mom, she's a cool mom, obviously making this your how-to guide on being a great parent. I've broken it down into a few simple steps:

1. Pimp your ride.

When I was younger, this is the car my mom drove me to school in everyday:

And let me tell you, that thing never made it anywhere near a mountain.

Fergie's mom car looks like my mom's car if it got a "Princess Diaries" style makeover. Make sure your license plate says "MILFville" for an added touch of class. Also, do not google "MILFville" to see if it is a real place unless you want to be permanently scarred. You're welcome.

2. Pimp your hair and makeup.

True, your almond shape nails may be so sharp you'll have to wear oven mitts every time you want to make contact with another human, but they're nothing compared to the intense contouring you'll see in the carpool line from celeb moms like Kim K.

3. Know about nutrition.

There is a point in the video where Fergie is apparently instructing a class on nutrition, well, less nutrition and more a list of different kinds of milks plus the word "calories." That's really all you need to know, right?

4. Wear plastic.

Forget comfy clothes, according to Fergie, the best option for hot moms is some sort of shiny latex suit or nude leotard. The PTA will love it!

5. Have other hot mom friends.

Backing you up in similar latex getups, that is. Make sure to sprinkle in a few Victoria's Secret models and your squad will be complete.

Totally easy, right? Fergie is back and better than ever, check out the full video below to watch her in action.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How To Be A Hot Mom According To Fergie's "M.I.L.F.$"

Please don't google "MILF."

1. Pimp your ride.

2. Pimp your hair and makeup.

3. Know about nutrition.

4. Wear plastic.

5. Have other hot mom friends.

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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