How many of you read your horoscope? How many of you are promising yourselves that "I'm going to stop procrastinating, I'll work out, and I'll be a better overall human?" Yeah, me too *sigh*.
I have one more week of fall semester and then I'm done with this year's hell... I mean college. I have a whole month break before I come into another semester of procrastination and papers. However, I am proud to say that this year, I received a B+ on an 8-page research paper I wrote in 8 hours the night before it was due. I also had to sort of caffeine to do this, so clearly I am a college god. It Is because of this that I am writing to you. I want to share in my good luck with you for the last few weeks of college. What better way to do this than to make a horoscope reading from a clearly amateur horoscope-oligist. Let's begin.
Aries
Always stubborn and always proud, makes a college student likely to fail. To finish strong this year, your focus should be on asking for help. There's no shame in getting help to pass a grade. Ask whoever you can; do it now, before time runs out.
Taurus
Take time to reflect. You've had a pretty good semester. Classes are going better than expected. A moon in the 7 house means that you should lay off the caffeine because you're going to have pretty bad withdrawals once break begins.
Gemini
Get off Netflix! Oh, Gemini, how I feel your pain. I am a binge watcher and a big time procrastinator. To be able to pass your classes, you need to lay off Netflix for a bit. Change your Netflix name to "Do Homework Now!!" and that will motivate you to finish your papers and study for finals. Trust me, I'm an expert at this.
Cancer
College=Money. You've been pretty hard Cancer; I'm kind of jealous. However, you must remember why you're here. It's not to party, but to do something with your life. Finish your homework, study a little, and then, let the party live on.
Leo
Liberty is great. You've done well in school. You've gone to classes, passed your tests, and have a pretty good GPA. After finals, it's time to relax. Treat yo self. Get a mani, watch a movie, take a bath. You deserve it champ.
Virgo
Victory will come to those that seek it. College is rough, I get it. You've had it easy for the last few weeks. It's time to push yourself through this last week. If not, you won't be passing those classes. Settle down for these last few weeks and work hard. Afterward, refer to LEO.
Libra
Laziness is Overrated. Take advantage of these last few weeks of fall semester. Stop the procrastination and delete your social media apps from your phone for a week. You'll be so productive. Trust me. You can do this.
Scorpio
Sacrifice a few hours of fun with friends. Now that you're almost done with the semester, friends will need distractions. Don't allow yourself too many hours of this because you won't get things done. Work now, play later.
Sagittarius
Starbucks is your friend. These last few weeks are going to be long and hard. Get in touch with caffeine and let him work for you. Allow yourself to be fueled by it. You will not get much sleep, but you will get stuff done.
Capricorn
Calm down. A stressful few weeks are coming your way Capricorn. However, you should not be discouraged. Take a moment and breath. You will get your stuff done and you will survive these weeks.
Aquarius
Abstract writing can add words to a page. So you have a couple page paper due. Expanding your rational will add that length you need. Go off on a small tangent over an important matter and you'll have this paper done in no time. P.S. when in doubt, quote longer text but don't forget to cite.
Pisces
Practice makes perfect. If you have that large math exam coming up, you need to practice. Do not get too cocky thinking you know how to do everything. A few minutes of review is better than none.
