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I Hope You Read This

I'm sorry for everything

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I Hope You Read This

A simple thank you

There comes a time in life when things have to change. People, relationship status’s, friendships, and the people surrounding you. Everything will change at some point but the hard thing is most people let it change and then hate everything that happened in the past. It changes and they don’t even take a minute to think about what that person did for them or how they have grown from the time that was spend there and the things they learned. That’s what this is, this is my simple thank you to the people that were there. Yeah, things have changed but that doesn’t mean that I don’t/didn’t see the positives of what you did for me. People change. Memories don't.

For the person who made the hard choice of leaving. I know that I may not understand everything about what you did, and hell I’m not even going to pretend that I agree with all of it but I do know how hard that must have been for you. You took a jump and made the decision to walk away rather than sit there and watch me consistently hurt myself. Did it hurt? Yes, It did and I’ll be real I’m still recovering but you slapped me back to reality and reminded me that I deserved more. You showed me what it was to be a real friend and sometimes that means leaving so that you don’t have to sit there watching as they get hurt. Thank you for protecting my heart and for seeing what, at the time, I couldn’t yet. Thank you for understanding that sometimes I can’t see it but that eventually, ill figure it out. I know that it’s not easy leaving or not being best friends anymore but please know that you will always have a place in my heart.

To the one who I left. I know that you’re hurting, confused and still mad at me. I’m not going to explain why I did what I did but what I do want you to know is that I don’t hold any of this against you. You were what I needed at the time. You helped me through my first semester and the start of this new chapter and for that I will always be grateful. I know this hurts right now but I promise there is someone out there that is perfect for you and I’m sorry that that wasn’t me but please remember these things: you are not and will never be your dad, you are worth the fight and worth someone loving you, You can do it and you have to because you’re better than giving up and please don’t give up. Lean on your brothers because those guys will move mountains for you. Keep laughing and telling jokes that only some people get. Thank you for putting a smile on my face, for introducing me to some of my favorite people and for the memories that I will never forget.

To the one I wish was mine. This isn’t fair. We both think it and its true it isn’t but at this point we both need to come to terms with it. I love you. I always have and I always will but for now we need to face the reality that it’s never going to be what it used to be and that may be a good thing. Thank you. Thank you for always reminding me that I am strong enough for this fight, that I have been here before and can do anything I set my mind to, that I’m beautiful, that you believe in me, that no matter what people tell me I create my own future and that I will forever and always be able to finish strong as long as I believe in myself. You were my person. For so many years you were my person and I love you for it but for now… for now I have to be my own person and it scares the hell out of me but I do. Thank you for the love and support. You know what you have to do now and you know that it’s going to suck some though the years but we both know you’re strong enough to face it and it will all be alright. I believe in you.

To the woman, I look up to. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you go through your day hearing all of my drama and stupidity and yet you still pick up every phone call, return every text and laugh at every stupid joke. You have been my rock and my support throughout my first year at college and I don’t know what I would do without you. I thank God that he put you in my life because he knew I needed a woman that I could look up to and see what it looked like to fear and respect him. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me my whole life. I’m honored to be one of three that can call you mom.

To my person. I don’t even know where to start. I’ve cried with you, laughed with you, lived life with you for the past 19 years and I couldn’t think of someone I would rather walk through this crazy thing called life with than you. You have been through so much in the past few years but you have handled it with grace and ease. You are my example of what a Godly man is supposed to be. You exhibit the qualities I hope that my future husband possesses. You have been my role model and best friend for so many years and I will never be able to thank you for all you’ve done. I can’t wait for all the memories to come and I’m so thankful for the ones we have already had. I’ll love you forever and I will always be your spud.

No, this wasn’t everyone who has impacted me but right now these are the ones I needed to call out. Thank you as well to the one who has been there on the sleepless nights that are painful and I know just wants to sleep, thank you to the one who is in the shadows and sometimes doesn’t think I notice but I do, thank you to the one who walked in while I was crying on the floor. I don’t know what I would have done without you my dear and I am forever grateful for that.

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