“Do you have any siblings?” “Would you say that your brother is proud of you for entering this pageant?” “Would you say that your brother is proud of you?” The question replays in my head like a broken record. Is he? I never expected the judge to ask me about my siblings when I was preparing for my interview for the job of Miss Florida Forestry. “Would you say that your brother is proud of you for entering this pageant?” This, by far, was the hardest question I have ever had to answer. Not because I didn’t know the answer, but because I hoped that the answer I gave is correct, true.

I’m not one to cry in an interview, but Saturday morning I almost did. I found myself tearing up a little bit as I told the judge the truth. What is the truth? Is my brother proud? Would my brother be proud?

When I ask myself the question, I think of the same answer that I told the judge. “I hope that he would be proud of me.” Which I do. I hope and hope that things will change, just like I hope that he would be proud. “I hope that he would be proud and that he still supports me in all that I do.” Can you support someone if you aren’t in their life anymore? Does someone want to support a person if they aren’t in their life anymore?

“Would you say that your brother is proud of you for entering this pageant?” The second the question was asked, my face fell. My heart dropped. My eyes started to water as the mention of my brother made me feel like I could exude waterfalls from my eyes. If I would’ve done that, you would think that my brother would have passed away. However, having a brother who chooses not to be in your life is a pain that I cannot describe. As I told the judge the truth, I felt my body start to shake and I continued to smile as I tried to stop the tears from running down my face.

“Well, honestly, my brother and I are not on very good terms right now, but I hope that he would be proud of me and still support me in all that I do.” Thankfully, the judge saw how hard that question was for me to answer and she quickly moved on to the next question. However, that did not stop the question from replaying in my head. Over and over again, it repeats. I hear the judge asking me the question and I hear myself answering and every time that I do, I start to believe the worst. I start to believe that he wouldn’t be proud. That he wouldn’t care. That he doesn’t support me. How can you support someone that you don’t want to be around? How can you support someone that you told to never contact you again? How do you support someone that you don’t care about? Does he care?

“I hope that he would...”