For today, I wanted to share a blog post I wrote about a year ago. I was depressed, anxious, and though there were definite moments of clarity and genuine happiness, my overall position was not a positive one.

I want to share this post to show how much I've grown and how much happier I am now. I am stronger, more confident, and truly content with where and who I am.

And that's all I've ever wanted.

So this isn’t going to be one of the typical positive posts that I write because I feel that would be superficial tonight. I want to be transparent here, which means writing the occasional downer. Sharing is therapeutic and hopefully, someone can connect with what I have to say so we can begin healing together.

Anxiety has become a big part of my life, and it has overstayed its welcome. I find myself taking steadying breaths far more than I would like. My stomach churns on a daily basis. My heart races from time to time. Both my body and my mind fidget. I get caught in hypothetical situations and I stress over petty things. Even now, I’m lying in bed with a headache, broken out skin, and an upset stomach, just staring at my phone screen and typing. I live in my head and I want to get out of it; I long to experience clarity in my world.

Of course, a major pet peeve of mine is when people complain but make no effort to either adapt or fix the situation. I’m trying my hardest, truly. I’m taking care of my body and trying to focus on building relationships. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I still have that little voice whispering that I am insufficient. I am highly insecure but I try to put on a confident mask, which only heightens my internal stress. How do I fix this? I don’t know. I’m still working on myself and trying to discover who I am in the process.

I’m aggravated with where I am in my life and I just want to fly right now. I want to create and put beauty into the world and change lives and express myself. My anxiety feels like a cinder block weighing me down, but I know I can beat it. Here’s to it getting better. Here’s to overcoming tough obstacles. Here’s to working towards a goal.