I held her hand as her breathing began to slow.

My Mother’s soul was leaving right before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. God wanted her, and I did not want to get in His way. I watched the room fill up with sobbing family members, many of whom were standing still from their shock. I knew that everyone who was witnessing this, understood that they were in the presence of two people dying: one was my Mom, and the other person was me. I felt my heart break in my chest, and the air was knocked from my sternum.

I believe in honoring your father and mother.

The way one copes with the agonizing pain from grief will determine if the heart can endure living on. The brain must also overcome this task in order to keep the remaining exhausted body alive.

The first person I’ve ever loved was now gone, and I was wishing I was, too.

My Mom taught me the meaning of life, and what it meant to live it. The moment she left me, I forgot everything that she had ever taught me. I had forgotten the most important sources of survival: how to breathe, how to move, and how to function. The only thing she failed to teach me was how to live without her.

I just needed my Mom to know that, her only daughter would try her hardest to be half the mother to her children…that her own mother was to her.

My Dad was the one and only person who made me want to continue on living after my Mom's passing. He provided me so much stability, purpose, encouragement, and strength. My Dad would always feed me words of motivation to resume with life; even when I thought I wouldn’t live to see tomorrow. “You have to be strong. You’re a Keller.” He would often tell me. I wish I could hear his voice saying those words to me just one more time. I wish I could bury my face into the middle of his chest, and have my nerves sensed at ease with his comforting scent. I never wanted to worry my Dad. I was terrified of letting him down. I needed to keep living for him. I just wanted to make him proud of me for simply surviving this horrible trail.

I was unaware that every thing that my Dad was providing me would soon be taken away so unexpectedly.

All of that would change in just five short months later. I was only fifteen years old when I lost both of my parents to cancer.

The day I had to tell my Daddy goodbye on earth, was the hardest day of my life. I honor him by putting pride to his name, by letting people know I am his daughter; as I let him live on through me. My Dad was my best friend. The first man that I have ever loved. My hero. My everything. When he closed his eyes for the final time, I promised him that I would be okay. I lied. I broke my promise numerous times, but God always picked me back up off the harsh ground.

I dwelled too much on the fact that I was officially alone in the world as an orphaned teenager. I was too caught up in craving sadness, as the burning sting of bittersweet nostalgia was slowly eating me alive.

My Mom and Dad strived to be the best parents they could possibly be. They clung to life through three years of battling cancer to keep their presence on earth just for my sake. That’s why I honor my Mother and Father. I honor them because they deserve to be honored. I honor them because I wouldn’t be me without their heart and souls. I honor them for every sense of guilt inside of me… for every time I acted like an irrational teenage girl towards them. I honor them because I love them more than air, and life itself.

When I lost my parents in a time span of five months apart…I thought the pain from grief would surely kill me, but it didn’t. It was so unbelievably unfair. I didn’t understand why God was doing this to me.

I had to force not only my brain, but also my heart to understand that: It was not God’s doing, but it was the world's doing. I accused God of leaving me when I needed Him the most, and when I needed a reason to keep living. It wasn’t Him that left my side, but it was me that turned my back on Him. I was so angry and bitter towards Him for taking my parents away from me. He did my parents a favor by taking them out of their horrible pain to be in paradise with Him. Even though my humanly selfish conscious still wanted them physically here on earth with me…I can never repay God for making them eternally happy. It took my heart a long time to finally except this, but because I knew my parents were happy where they were- then I had to be happy too.

The courage to live on without them did not come from me, but from God, and the spirits of my parents.

God has a plan, and He hasn’t let me down. I will die believing in His promise, and I will not die until He calls me home.

Everyone can overcome grief, no matter how painful the process is. You have to choose to deal with the emotions, feelings, and heartache by your own decision. People grieve differently, and no way is wrong. No one can truly understand how another heart feels; no one can tell another person how quickly to get over the loss of their loved one(s). The healthier solution is to let the heart heal at its own pace without being uncompassionate or forceful. Let people move at their own speeds, be there for one another in time of need, and let them live their lives the way God intended them to be lived. Happiness is a choice, and grief shouldn’t have a say in whether or not you have that choice.

I guess what I am asking from you is, if you are still blessed enough to still have your mother and father with you…Hug them. Hug them as tightly as you can, and never let them go. Sure, you’ll have to say goodbye one day, but never take one day for granted. Treat each day like it’s your last day. Thank God for your parents. Thank God and praise Him for everything. Ask for forgiveness from God. Ask for forgiveness from your parents. Apologize to your parents for every time you might have made them angry, upset, or disappointed in you.

Tell your Dad you love him, and thank him for his terrible cheesy jokes. Tell your Mom you love her, and thank her for every time her shoulder has been there for you to cry on. Love everyone. Love yourself. After my Dad died, I found a handwritten note from my Mom in his Bible, that read, “If you have only one smile in you…give it to the people that you love.” Honor your father and mother.

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 NIV)

- Claire Elizabeth Keller