"You didn't grow up there."
"Detroit is your home."
"It's just a city."
These are just some of the responses I hear from others when I tell them I am homesick for Portland. Friends and family don't seem to grasp the concept, and for the most part I understand it. They don't know what's out in Portland. But do not make myself feel guilty for loving my life out there, more than I do in Michigan.
My heart belongs with the evergreens and caffeine. My heart belongs where keeping it weird is the motto. My home is home to the Timbers and Trail Blazers. My home is where mountains fill the horizon.
Moving away from the town where I grew up was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I say this, not as a slam to Michigan, especially the Motor-City. I say this, not as a slam to my friends and family. I say this, because moving away was how I became the person who I truly was. I came out of my shell and started living.
Home is where your heart is, and in this case, home is where the carpet is, the PDX carpet that is. I knew a while ago that Michigan was not meant for me. That's okay. It's okay to feel like I do not belong in this state. What's not okay are the people who make me feel guilty for the way I feel.
I was happier. I go through the pictures and videos from my time out west, and it's unbearable, how much I miss it. For the longest time I thought New York City was the place I was meant to be. I thought the Big Apple was my home, but a city 3,000 miles west stole my heart.
Some days are worse than others and one the worst of the days, I'm glad I have my theatre family here to get my mind off things. Without them, I don't know what I would possibly do. With them, I can show myself, I can show the person I was in Portland. With them, they understand my need to go back west. They understand.
You know when a place is your home. You can feel it. You just know. Not a single soul can tell you where your home is but yourself. And when you're away from it, there's a sense of loss. Like you lost a part of you. I know I'll be back, but, it's not soon enough.
