I love living in New York. I love how close I am to the city, I love the opportunities I get to have that I wouldn’t have otherwise, I love the friends that I’ve made. Then why, in my final semester, my final two months of college, am I feeling homesick all of the sudden? Why am I feeling the level of homesickness that I haven’t felt since my first semester of my freshman year when I barely had any friends and I wanted to transfer? It’s all very strange to me, and I have to wonder if it’s being caused by something else. Maybe I’m nervous to graduate and just want to go home, where I feel completely comfortable and where I grew up. I don’t exactly know, but what I do know is that I hate this feeling and it is extremely annoying.
New York has become my second home, and though I may not have mastered the subway yet (I’m learning and getting better), and I may not know how to get around the streets that’s names aren’t numbers, I really have gotten used to being in this colder, faster-paced area. The area my school is in is suburban, which is a lot like home, but I am in the city so much that I’ve grown accustomed to the faster lifestyle. However, I can’t help but miss my home.
Recently, I start to think about the things I love the most about being at home. Things like the few friends I still have from high school, my family, my cats, my favorite restaurant, and so much more. I start to think of these things and lately, I get sadder and sadder and I’ll admit I’ve definitely shed a few tears over it. And it annoys me to know end. I just want to enjoy my last few months of living in New York and spending time with my friends, and it’s like the thoughts of my home get in the way and are preventing that.
Almost everyone that I have talked to about these feelings has told me it’s completely normal. They ask me what’s wrong, I tell them I’m a cry baby and want to come home, and they tell me that it’s perfectly normal and that it might just be that I’m nervous about graduation so everything is overwhelming me. I do think this is a very valid possibility. Graduation is two months away and I’m freaking out about finding a job and what I’m going to do when I get back to Baltimore. I think it’s making me long for home because being at school is a constant reminder that I have to start “adulting,” very very soon. So, I want to be home under my mom’s roof surrounded by my family and friends and comforted. My friends at school definitely help to comfort me, but they are going through the same feelings that I am or will be soon. Ut’s like a big group of terrified, homesick students.
I know that once I get a job and know what my future holds my feelings will probably change, but for now, I’ll just be here being homesick and freaking out as I search for jobs for the next two months.
