So I have a confession to make: I don’t love to travel. Right about now, you, potential reblogger of images of snow-capped mountains emblazoned with the words “Not all those who wander are lost,” or curator of travel-themed Pinterest boards, might be tempted to stop reading. But please, hear me out. I get it, I really do. Travel can be fun and exciting and illuminating. It can help us become better citizens of the world, more compassionate and well-rounded people, capable of forming a connection with the rest of humanity rather than just our couch cushions.
However, it is also true that for the many of us who self-identify as homebodies (or, in other guises, introverts, worriers, and chronic over-consumers of pop culture and television media), travel is often synonymous with an unparalleled level of stress. There are so many things to plan, so many activities to fit in, so many places to visit, so many logistics to calibrate perfectly, so much potential for absolute embarrassment and/or nervous collapse. No wonder, then, that over the course of my life, trips have often been marked by a sense of discomfort, disorientation, and free-floating anxiety. I am not a spontaneous, go-with-the-flow nomad, or an intrepid explorer. I have never once dreamed of going sky-diving or cave-diving or scuba-diving (basically, no diving of any sort). I’m much more likely to save up money to buy books or an HBO Go subscription than to fund a weekend getaway.
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I’m not proud of these traits, but neither am I truly ashamed of them, despite the pangs of insecurity I often feel when confronted with the superior wanderlust of others (including, seemingly, the entirety of Instagram.) It’s more that, after 22 years, I’ve settled into a space somewhere between resignation and acceptance. Rather than deny or avoid my homebody tendencies, I have learned to both work with them and subtly challenge them. Because even I, inveterate homebody, couch potato, and introvert, sometimes crave a change of scenery. Or, at least, am occasionally compelled by outside forces -- such as my family and friends -- to relinquish the comforts of home for the uncertainties and unpredictability of a new environment. Here are a few tips to make that process slightly more bearable, and even sometimes downright enjoyable:
1. Make your hotel room feel like home.
Or your Airbnb rental, tent, car, yurt, etc. When I can’t be at home, I would at least like to cultivate a homey sense of comfort and security. This means that immediately after I arrive at my destination, I need to give myself time to acclimate to my new environment, leisurely unpacking, settling in, perhaps rearranging the furniture into a more pleasing configuration. If at all possible, I would highly recommend bringing small objects from your home life, such as a favorite candle, tea, coffee, eye mask, photo, etc. to make the unfamiliar four walls you now find yourself in feel slightly more welcoming. This might seem high-maintenance or neurotic, but as long as you don’t go so far as to bring the entire contents of your bedroom, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
2. Give yourself time for transitions.
When you’re on vacation, packing a huge amount of activities into each day can feel desirable, or even necessary, but for a homebody, it is far from ideal. Of course it’s important to make the most of your time and take advantage of all the cool things your destination has to offer, but the actual logistics of transportation, timing, and preparation for each event/activity/location can be overwhelming, and the sheer amount of energy expended over the course of each over-packed day eventually leads to utter exhaustion and a lack of enthusiasm for the rest of the trip. Instead, think about what’s really important to you and what you’ll truly enjoy (obviously also taking into account the feelings of whatever poor traveling companions initially roped you into this trip, as well), and give yourself enough time to fully experience each aspect of your day without the rush, the stress, and the inevitable burnout.
3. Plan loosely.
It can be tempting for a homebody to want to plan every aspect of a trip in advance. After all, you’ve been dragged unwillingly from the comfort of your home, so you should at least be able to glean a modicum of fun from the experience before you are eventually able to return. However, most people will not take kindly to you hijacking a vacation with detailed itineraries or extensive TripAdvisor printouts, and honestly, you won’t get much out of it either. At the same time, no planning at all can leave you flailing in a sea of overwhelming possibilities. Finding a happy middle ground is important, so make a loose list of fun places to see and activities to do, and be willing to change plans if necessary.
4. Practice spontaneity.
For some, spontaneity is as natural as an autumnal breeze, but for others it is a trait to be side-eyed with vague distrust. It should come as no surprise that I generally fall in the latter camp. Traveling offers both the most glaring evidence of this, as well as the perfect opportunity to practice such things as “going with the flow” and “not being a total stick in the mud.” If your traveling companions are interested in visiting somewhere or doing something outside of the set plan, allowing yourself to go along for the ride could be the perfect way to nudge yourself (safely, cautiously) out of your comfort zone.
5. Modify your internal monologue.
Quick disclaimer: this isn’t to say that you should repress your true emotions or plaster a fake smile on your face when you’re internally dying of discomfort. Not at all. However, it’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of negative self-talk without even realizing that you’re doing it. If your internal monologue is telling you things like, I’m scared of heights, I can’t climb up to the top of that tower, or, I’d be so much happier if I was at home, in bed, alone, you’re effectively ensuring that you will, indeed, be nervous, uncomfortable, and unhappy. Instead, you could think, Maybe climbing the tower won’t be so bad because my sister will be with me and we’ll see a great view of the city, or, I can go back to the hotel and relax later, but right now it’s important to appreciate this moment. The experience may be the same, but your perspective and mood will have fundamentally shifted.
6. Build downtime into your days.
So many aspects of traveling can be stressful and draining for a homebody -- meeting new people, navigating an unfamiliar place, rushing from destination to destination -- so it’s important to have designated relaxation time built into every day in order to not feel totally overwhelmed by sensory overload. Even my more adventurous friends and family members need some time to decompress after a busy day, so I would suggest giving everyone space to chill in their own way. This could look like exploring alone for a few hours, or recapping the best parts of the day over a relaxing dinner, or sitting in a café and quietly people-watching, or reading outside. Whatever works for you, give yourself the space and time to make it a priority.
7. Practice self-care.
This is similar to downtime, but even more targeted and individual. For example, when I’m traveling, I like to treat myself much like a newborn baby. Since I, like a baby, am gradually finding my bearings in a strange and potentially hostile environment, it’s important to ease the transition through assiduous self-care. If at all possible, this includes taking long baths and showers, napping frequently, and watching hotel television while swaddled in a variety of blankets and pillows. Practicing good self-care also includes making sure you’re eating reasonably well, drinking enough water, and getting as much sleep as possible in an unfamiliar and potentially non-temperature-regulated environment.
8. Revel in the freedom of being disconnected.
It’s totally fine if sharing your travel experiences through updates on social media enhances the experience for you, but I find that it can also be fun to fully immerse myself in the total alteration of your routinized existence by stepping back from the trappings of your daily grind, including social media, texting, etc. When I’m on vacation, I still check my phone, email, and social media semi-regularly, but much less often than when I’m at home, and I find that this can turn a sometimes-unsettling sense of vacation-induced isolation into a welcome feeling of freedom.
9. Travel with people who make you feel safe.
It’s an unfortunate but undeniable truth that some people just make better travel companions than others. We might love spending time with our crazy, risk-taking best friend or skittish, aviaphobic cousin, but popping them in a stressful travel situation alongside our homebody selves wouldn’t do anyone any favors. Instead, it’s a good idea to find traveling buddies whose temperaments and interests match up with ours, and an even better idea to find ones who are compassionate, flexible, and comforting. Look for people who you can be completely honest with when you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, or just in need of a few goddamn hours of peace and quiet.
So, my fellow homebodies, I hope that these tips make your next vacation less of an obligation to be dreaded and more of a treat to be enjoyed. We may never reach the levels of spontaneity and wanderlust demonstrated by our adventurous friends’ Instagram photos and Facebook feeds, but with a little practice and adjustment, we too can make travel work for us. And hey, on the upside, no matter how exhausting our vacations may be, we can always look forward to diving back into the familiar comfort of our bed once it’s over.
