Home is where the yellow roses grow every summer as the sun lingers late into the night, casting hues of orange and red against my white farmhouse walls. This summer is no different, and once again, they have been growing and blooming with all of their splendor. Last week I arrived home from college to find them at their peak, vibrant as ever. Everything else at home is remotely the same as well: the giant cottonwood tree with the swings attached to it, the horses grazing in the pasture, and my polar bear of a dog sitting on the back porch waiting for me to walk in. Old relationships with friends from grade school restarted, but, some of those that were once strong have now faded away. Now that I am almost twenty, I have realized that change is okay, and it is indeed sometimes necessary in order to propel life forward.
As I started my freshman year, I put life on pause here, creating new relationships with people at school. Now, I personally have never been great with change, so going to college was quite a journey. New memories were made, new friendships have blossomed, and new best friends have even been made in less than a year, and that's okay. Don't completely give up all of your hometown friendships, but picking and choosing who you truly want to invest time in is an okay thing to do.
After grabbing coffee with a friend the other afternoon, my brain kicked back into "Hometown Mode" as I call it. What are the latest stories happening back in high school? Who's engaged now? Is my favorite coffee shop in Bloomington-Normal still up and running? But, the welfare of my new friends also plagues my mind as well. What is my best friend doing? How's so and so? Did they find a job back home? My mind is trying to focus on so many things and people that it is hard to find a proper equilibrium between college and home life. I will most likely be settled down in a couple days, but honestly, who knows.
Uncertainty is what scares us, or at least me, the most. Not knowing what can happen, not having a schedule of events, and not being organized all stress me out to the max. But, throughout my freshman year, I realize that these things are okay sometimes. Do not feel bad for making new memories. Do not feel bad for making new best friends. Live your life, and make yourself happy. Living a life day by day sometimes is key. Go on late night drives. Go get McDonald's sweet tea at 5 AM. Drive to Nashville Tennessee for a weekend with your squad for Pete's sake. Stressing about what we have to do in the next year all at once will overwhelm us. Sometimes we just need to let go, and let someone else take control. Grab a cup of coffee. Put your earbuds in. Lay in bed. Go for a run. Find your source of true happiness. Stressing about things that are not under our power only add more stress to our lives. Seeing people that I've grown up with in the supermarket and making small talk, but not having a deep conversation is okay. Having acquaintances is all right! We as humans cannot be best friends with everyone! Change is necessary but look for the things that remain for solidarity. Look for family, look for best friends, look for those favorite coffee shops. Find what gives you true and honest joy, not simply something you do because you're obligated to. Most importantly, like stated earlier, be you. Do what makes you happy. As a people pleaser, I know that this is hard, but find that thing that brings you honest & halcyon peace. Eventually, my roses will perish, much like many things in our world, but if we cling to the hope of the notion that our prized possessions and attributes will remain steadfast and full of halcyon bliss, our happiness will be ten-fold.
And no, I do not apologize for how many times coffee was mentioned in this article.
Coffee is life.
As for me, I'll be holding onto the yellow roses, full of momentary life; full of momentary beauty this summer, and as I watch their color fade, I know that they will be back next year, full of grace; full of charm.
