Christmas may be over, but the holidays last til New Years, and even beyond, now that we're college students and home until at least mid-January. While a break is welcome, endless time with the family isn't always. With the holiday cheer comes awkwardness, fights, and sometimes tears. And that's okay. But it's always helpful to be a little prepared when you suddenly find yourself in certain dreaded situations, hence this nifty little survival guide I have prepared. Let it be your snowshoes of sorts, to help you navigate the sometimes-icy halls of your own home this holiday season.

1. The seemingly-endless questions about college

How's school? What are you majoring in? What classes are you taking? How did you do in them? How are your friends? Who are your friends? Where do you go to school again??? No matter how much you may love school or how close you are to the person asking about it, sometimes talking about college is the last thing you want to do. If you can, try to steer the conversation in a direction that you don't mind it going in. Maybe you took a sociology class you really loved last semester that you'd gladly discuss, or you're excited to share your schedule for next semester. Maybe you don't want to talk about classes or grades, but you'd gladly pass around the group photos you took with your friends. If you're not in the mood for college conversation at all though, try to be polite and give the shortest, to-the-point answers as you can, and turn the conversation back on them by asking about their life. People love to talk about themselves, and soon you won't be the one being interrogated anymore. But remember, however the conversation goes down: it's okay not to know what you're majoring in; it's okay to love women and gender studies even if your grandparents have no idea what that is; it's okay to want to keep the memories you've made with your new friends to yourself. It's really easy for family members to make you and your choices feel invalid, even if they don't mean to. Try to shake it off and remember that their opinions don't matter; it's your life, and all that matters is that you're happy and getting a good education.

2. Being treated like a kid again

You've spent the past four months at school literally living however you wanted to; eating whatever whenever, sleeping whenever, staying up and out as late as you want, trying some things that may or may not be questionable or illegal... and now you're home, and suddenly you have a curfew again, and your parents are asking you to do chores around the house, and you can't just go out whenever you want to, and forget about doing anything even the slightest bit out of line. Even as someone who could be classified as a goody two-shoes, it's incredibly hard to go from being independent and living my life on my own terms, to suddenly being treated the same way I was in high school. In college, everyone feels like they're on the same level. The same respect is given to everyone, and people take the time to truly listen to and understand what others are saying. For the past four months, I’ve felt like my voice was valued and respected, and my thoughts, ideas, and feelings mattered just the same as everyone else's. Now I'm home, and I feel like I'm being interrupted and invalided constantly, and it's really hard. I've found that it helps to stay in contact over break with my friends back and school, and even vent to them about what's going on, because it turns out a lot of them are going through similar situations, and we've been able to help each other through them. It's so important to remember you're never alone in how you feel. Reaching out to someone to vent your frustrations to can be so helpful. No matter what, remember that your voice is important, you do know what you’re talking about, and what you feel is valid. As far as curfews and rules go, it is still your parents' house, but it's okay to remind them that you're an adult now and that you have been living independently for several months now, because they may have missed you and reverted back to their old ways of seeing you as their young child without even realizing it.

3. High school friends

You were inseparable in high school, then you all went your separate ways to college and made new friends who really "get" you, except you're all within a few miles of each other again... so now what? That's entirely up to you. You are not obligated to keep people in your life if they're causing you more harm than good, or if they didn't make an effort to still be your friend while you were at school. This applies to anyone, high school best friends included. For me, there were some really easy people to let go of, because they hadn't necessarily treated me right throughout high school, and then didn't make an effort to keep in touch with my once we went to college. Others were harder, because they were people I was very close to and expected to still care about me when we went off to college, but didn't come through. As hard as it was to let these friendships fade out, I knew it wasn't worth my energy to try to uphold a one-sided friendship. On the flip side, it's also okay if there's people at home that you know you'll always be closer with than the friends you've made at school. The friends I made this past semester are incredibly wonderful people who I already trust so much, but I grew up with my best friend at home, we've been through so much together, and there's no one who knows me better than he does, and I doubt there ever will be. You're not doing it "wrong" if your best friend from high school is still your best friend in college. Your decisions about what to do—or not do—with your high school friends is completely up to you, and there isn't a right or wrong way to go. Do what's best and healthiest for you, because putting your happiness first is always important.

4. Family fights you aren't involved in

One of the most frustrating things during the holidays is when you're trying to have a jolly ole time, but the people around you are anything but merry and bright. When others are bickering with each other and killing the mood, remove yourself from the situation. Step out of the room, take a walk, heck, even take a nap (let’s be honest, if you added up all the sleep-deprived nights you had during this past semester, it'd probably equal the entirety of your break). Fresh air and a change of scenery can make all the difference. If you can't get away for that long, find an excuse to leave the immediate area. Go make yourself a mug of something warm, mosey over to get a glass of water, take a bathroom break, or anything else that will let you step away for a bit without seeming rude. Use the resources available to you to stay calm. Take deep breaths, have some tea, doodle a picture, put in headphones, pull out a book, text a friend, make up a short story in your head, whatever you can to take your mind off what's going on around you. All families fight, and the holidays can feel especially tense, so whatever happens, don't feel like your family's dysfunctional, because chances are the same thing is happening at everyone else’s house too.

5. Family fights you are involved in

If there's anything worse than your family fighting during the holidays, it's your family fighting with you during the holidays, especially when it really doesn't feel like your fault. If you're someone who can bite your tongue and just shake it off, do that, because it's probably the best thing for you not to drain yourself during a time when you're supposed to be spending your energy being happy and having a good time. Sometimes though, the fight is inevitable, whether it's because you know you're right, or because not engaging means not standing up for yourself. Even when you're in an argument, make sure to take care of yourself. If it gets to a point where arguing is hurting you instead of helping you, it's okay to step back and end the conversation. It doesn't mean you've lost or failed, it means you know yourself well enough to know when it's too much. Your health should always be your top priority, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. After wearing yourself out from fighting, take some time to self-care. Make a cup of tea or hot chocolate, have something to eat, take some time alone in your room, take a shower, whatever helps. Remember to take care of yourself.

6. That holiday party at someone's house you barely know

It seems like each holiday you gain a new long-lost cousin or a new family-friend that you just have to go visit. Every Christmas, we go to my dad's uncle's house, which is filled with family I only see once a year. It can feel sort of awkward sometimes, because no one else is close to my age, and I don't know what to talk about with anyone. If you have siblings with you, stay close to them and spend your time talking to them; they're probably feeling similarly. If not, take advantage of the free food and drinks, and engage with others to the point where you still feel comfortable. If it won't bother anyone, take out your phone and text a friend or play a game. Take frequent bathroom breaks if you need some time alone, and just try to power through. Fill your thoughts with fun, festive things to do when you get home, or for the rest of break. The time will fly by quicker if you keep yourself and your mind occupied! As someone with anxiety, I know it also helps me if I mentally prepare beforehand for situations like these. Spend some time at home before you leave doing soothing activities, so that you don’t walk into the party already feeling horrible. A positive mindset can make all the difference.

7. Someone brings up politics/the election

I'm the most politically-minded person in my family. If I don't bring up politics during the holidays, no one else should. But it happened in my family, and let's face it: it'll probably happen in yours too. If you're lucky enough to have the same views as your entire family, by all means have the conversations. But chances are your dinner table is filled with liberals and conservatives, Hillary and Trump voters, and people who couldn't care less. If you can stay out of the conversation, no matter how passionate you feel, it's probably the best. If you need to physically remove yourself from the conversation in order to retain your sanity, do so. Go to the kitchen for seconds, head to the bathroom, whatever it takes to politely excuse yourself for a second. As much as you might want to educate those around you and speak your mind, it’s important to take care of yourself too. If there’s something you absolutely need to get off your chest, see if you can get someone alone to talk to later. I felt the need to do this with my dad on Christmas, so I waited until we were in the car on the way home, instead of engaging with everyone at my uncle’s house. It still wasn’t a pretty conversation, but I was able to say what I needed to say without being attacked by the rest of my extended family for my beliefs.

8. That one (or the many) racist/sexist/homophobic/just plain bigoted family member

We all have them. Many of us have multiple of them. As someone who attends a liberal arts college, I know I have a full arsenal of facts and knowledge to prove their belief systems wrong, but this only ever works to the extent that they will listen and try to understand what I’m saying. Often times, this isn’t the case, and because of this it feels like a lose-lose situation, especially if their bigoted beliefs directly target who you are a human being. It can feel isolating for them not to know and understand something that is a part of your identity, but equally excruciating to take the energy to try to explain it to them, only to be invalidated and shut down. I’ve already experienced this multiple times this holiday season. It’s hard. As much as you want those around you to understand you, sometimes you don’t have the energy to keep trying to get them to understand. And it’s not your duty to do so. In the aftermath of these situations, make sure to take care of yourself. Reach out to people who do accept and validate you. (I promise you’re not annoying them. They care about you and want to know when you’re not okay, even during the holidays.) Vent. Cry, if that’s what helps. But then remind yourself that you are valid and that you are loved, no matter what drunk Uncle Joe, or grandma, or even dad, thinks or says. Because for as much hatred as there is in this world—or in your family—there’s an equal or greater amount of love.

I guess the overall theme surrounding this holiday survival guide is this: It’s okay to think of yourself this holiday season. It’s the season of giving after all, so make sure to give yourself some love and care too.