Regardless of religious affiliations, this time of year is generally thought of as a time of peace and joy. Besides the stress of planning family get-togethers, shopping for gifts, and the crowds, this season is known as "the most wonderful time of the year." It is families coming together, strangers helping strangers, and it seems like almost everyone is quick to lend a helping hand and a smile. When I have asked random people what the reason is behind their smile, the answer is usually a simple shrug of the shoulders, and another smile as they say, "It's the holidays!"

Many people have known - or even been called - a "Bah! Humbug!" Despite the almost tangible joy in the air, there is always someone who doesn't seem to be happy.

For many years, I was one of those people. I was the one who didn't care about families getting together. I didn't care about it being a season of miracles. I didn't care what everyone else was excited about. There was no joy in my life. I had no family to call my own. I was beyond heartbroken that my holidays wouldn't be spent in the presence of my daughter. Instead, a family who had no right to her, would be watching the excitement in her eyes. They would be watching her unwrap gifts, squeal in excitement, and receive her innocent toddler hugs and kisses.

There were several things I was told during those years: Cheer up. You're only acting so down because you want extra attention. Don't be like that. Be happy. Smile. Don't be so selfish. Don't be such a downer. The list goes on. Were any of those (I must assume) well-intentioned comments helpful to me? The answer would be a resounding, no.

I did not want attention, I just wanted my daughter. If I couldn't have her, I didn't want to be around. I would have preferred to spend the entire holiday season tucked in my bed. If I could have transformed into a bear and hibernated, I gladly would have.

Every time I saw families with little children, it was a pain so deep it was almost a physical blow. I reached the point where I couldn't smile at the excitement of the children, I couldn't muster up any joy. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide from the world. I wanted to cry, but I knew if I started crying, I would never stop. I couldn't have adequately expressed what it was that would have made me happy. Nobody ever took the time to ask me, so it was something I never had to think about.

I've lost count of the years that I spent in the hospital with deep depression, or suicide attempts during the holiday season. It was never fun, never where I wanted to be. I had many people angry at me for always trying to ruin their holidays. Yes, as my heart felt like it shattered a little more every second of the day, I was being told how very selfish I was in trying to ruin everyone's fun. That is not at all what I ever expected to hear, or what I would have told someone.

No matter what you might think, this is not at all a happy time of year for some people. Telling those people to "cheer up," is not exactly helpful. Even if you have an idea of the circumstances that someone is in, you probably won't know what they are truly feeling. Hopefully these tips will help you help someone else through this season.

1.) Don't assume that someone who is down is looking for attention. That person might be feeling at the end of their rope, and perhaps the last thing they need is to be labeled as "attention-seeking."

2.) Don't ask someone to force a smile. You never know how much that forced smile is costing them inside. I forced smiles for people, but those smiles just barely held back the floodgates of my tears. It would have been so much nicer if someone had told me that however I was feeling, it was okay for me to feel like that, instead of feeling like I had to make someone else happy at the lowest point of my life.

3.) Before telling someone to cheer up, ask if there's anything they would like to talk about, or that they need to talk about. Knowing that someone cares enough to take the time to listen may be just what a person needs to be able to unburden their heart, and feel a little bit of the pressure lifted from their shoulders.

4.) Don't tell someone to stop being selfish. Maybe you don't know that the person you're talking to has recently lost their spouse and children in a freak accident, and that's the reason they feel so down.

5.) Try to understand that even though someone's actions might affect you, that was probably not their intention. When people reach a certain point, they will do anything to feel at peace. If they even think of the people in their lives, they may feel that they are a burden to others, and that they have nothing to offer anyone. The pain is unfathomable, the anguish so deep, that all they can think of is needing to do whatever it takes to escape from it.

6.) Don't take it personally if someone declines an invitation. It might be nice to be invited, but sometimes people truly need that down time with no pressure from others, to be able to pull themselves together.

If you feel that you need emergency help, are a danger to yourself or others, dial the emergency number for your country. This link has several emergency numbers for places besides the United States: http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/emergency-services-worldwide-contact-numbers

If you know someone that needs help, or if you are the one who needs the comfort of someone with a caring heart on the other end of the line, please call one of these numbers. These volunteers care enough to be there for anyone who calls, and these lines are usually staffed 24 hours a day, every day: https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/

I truly hope this season brings hope and joy to everyone, and that time has helped to heal the scars of the past for others, as it has for me. I still don't have my daughter with me, but what I do have is family. Not family in the traditional sense of the word - I never had that. But I have finally learned what family truly means, and having even one member to spend it with this holiday season is a joyous occasion for me.

If you're still in a place of darkness, know that you're not alone, others have been there and made it out on the other side. Know that there are caring people, and don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

My personal goal for this holiday season is to let my smile infect others, my words soothe and mend broken hearts, and my actions reflect the peace and love associated with this season. I challenge every person who reads this to do one act of kindness, no matter how small, for someone. Care, reach out, smile. That may be all it takes to give someone the hope they need to carry on.