Dear Mom,

Hi, it’s me again. Every day has been so extremely hard with you gone. Holidays seem like the time when this is really showcased though. So, our family struggled through our first Thanksgiving since you left. To say it was hard would be an enormous understatement.

I made this slideshow of pictures of us to show on Thanksgiving so you could still be with us, even though you couldn’t make it physically. I hope you were watching it from Heaven, mom. We all joked about how you would have been late to the Thanksgiving dinner. Even though this is probably true, I wish I could still see you walking through those doors late.

Preparing for Christmas seemed like a whole other battle in itself. An earth-stopping moment for me was when I got out all of the stockings that I made for every family member years ago. Your stocking was right there next to everyone else’s. Only this time was different because you wouldn’t be there to open it up. This is when it really hit me that you would not be there for Christmas.

As I was shopping for gifts, I saw so many things that I wanted to pick out for you. You would have loved another pink sweater, another one of your favorite lotions, or a huge box of assorted chapsticks. It was the little things like these that made you happy. You knew what the true meaning of Christmas was, and it wasn’t about how many presents everyone got. This is something I admire about you.

I am in denial that it’s almost New Years because I do not want to go into a new year without you here. A year that you are not a part of doesn't seem right. At times, it still doesn't even feel like it could actually be real. Our whole family is still struggling to adjust to a life without you.

While the holidays are known to be the most wonderful time of the year, it can be a very difficult time for families who are grieving. I used to be that person who would proudly play Christmas music in November and couldn't wait to put up the Christmas tree. Now all of that excitement is missing. My hope is to be able to find joy throughout these holidays, just knowing you are an angel watching over us.

I bet you are up there celebrating Christmas right now and eating an endless supply of green bean casserole. Even though the holidays will never be the same again, I know somehow you will always be with us.

Mom, even during all of the snow and coldness of winter, you are still my sunshine. We all love and miss you more than you could ever know.

Love,

Your daughter