Now I know what you're thinking: why am I writing about this when everyone is focused on the holidays and it is the day after Christmas, a holiday of unity... But that's exactly why I am talking about this, because the holidays are not always a time about presents, family, and food for everyone. For people who grew up with divorced parents, early in life, or as of this year, it changes your entire perspectives on things and can complicate your life.

Now I'm not complaining; some people are just better off not together. And I will say growing up with divorced and single parents was definitely easier to adjust to, plus the possibility of healthy relationships with both, than having parents who refuse to divorce but fight all the time and create a toxic and negative environment at home.

So yes the holidays can be fun even when you have divorced parents. When people hear that someone they know has divorced or divorcing parents their first thought is "Cool! Now you have two holidays and more presents." Sometimes this is correct and yes I have had before, but in all honesty, it is not a joy ride.

My parents divorced when I was five, and I started having two holidays by the age of seven, yay right? Now here's the problem, when your divorced parents are not friends or are struggling to be civil for the child, it gets messy. When I was younger I did not realize the severity of the complication, but as I got older I began to realize it. From about the age of eight or nine up to present time, I have had the hard choice of always having to be delicate with what I plan with which parent and most of the time would have to choose one or the other because of complications. My father would want me to spend Christmas Eve with him, but my mother would want to do something else that night together.

It's kind of hard to have two holidays when you can't be at two places at once. Or with birthdays and other holidays, one parent would hold it on the proper day it was and I would spend it with them, and then I would have a late celebration with the other. Or, some years I only spent time with one parent and had that holiday or birthday with them while the other was not present. I don't know which makes you feel worse, knowing that you can't have unity for one holiday, or one parent being MIA during that time of your life.

In all honesty, as cool as it sounds having divorced parents for holidays, I would give it up to have just one holiday. Because as you get older you realize that material items will not replace or make up for quality family time. Regardless, I am still thankful for my life and feel that growing up this way made me into the person I am today- and I try to improve the person I am every chance. I hope that in the future this ever-going conflict will come to an end somehow.

So please don't ever forget what you have and don't ever stop being thankful for the little things, because they are what is most important in life. Happy holidays to everyone in every situation and stay blessed.

Love, A girl who is trying to find optimism in the world.