The good, the bad, and the crazy. Holidays are a time for tradition and memories. With all the excitement, celebration, and activities is an amplification of emotions. The feelings I felt this year were like waves tossing and turning in the wind, at one moment subdued and happy, but at others wild with fear and a sense of loss. The series of firsts I experienced only further disrupted my ocean of emotions.
Christmas 2015 was my first Christmas without my maternal grandfather. The absence of his jovial voice resounded throughout the room as we missed his sports updates of the local high school and his favorite players. When the dessert competition was to be judged, we were missing one of our key judges. Pictures seemed off with one less soul around and, with the opening of presents, came reminiscing of times past. Yet as we honored the memory of my grandfather, I realized emotions of regret for time wasted, sorrow for the loss of someone dear, and strength to comfort my younger cousins. Surrounded by over 30 family members, I felt the warmth that comes not only from a full house but from the support and love that we are all in this together. My emotions yet again wave-tossing with sorrow, yet settling with the responsibility to wipe away the tears from the younger cousins.
On the other side of the family, I experienced yet another first as my paternal grandfather was driven off to the hospital Christmas afternoon. Watching him struggle with his pain, inability to walk, and pride to remain strong was yet another reminder of the frailty of life. I felt a surge of fear as my emotional waves rose with tension, quickly crashing down with the realization that each moment, each day is a grasp to continue with the life we know, the life we love, and the life we expect to continue forever more.
Yet with each of these moments exhausting me emotionally and physically, comes the refreshment of positive experiences. The peak of positive holiday emotions arrives in the annual Christmas Dessert Competition, a place where our competitive family focuses their energy on taste, presentation, and winning the big wooden spoon as the overall grand prize. Teams of two fight for the prize.
My teammate is my uncle who I have baked with for the past 12 years, never once repeating a recipe, but always trying something new. From strawberry lemonade cake to chocolate, pie ice cream pie and blueberry cake we have journeyed across the flavor spectrum.
To give you an idea of the level of competition we face let me relay past desserts and, more specifically, their presentation. Competitions have included cakes rotating on record players, Christmas trees made of ice cream cones covered in chocolate, desserts wrapped in yards of ribbon, and those covered with lights and tree toppers.
As we bake the desserts, trash talking commences with opponents often looking over and proclaiming, “Ew, what is that?” We shop for the ingredients, for the decorations, and for the perfect finishing touches. We mix, we blend, we bake, and we decorate. Each step mounting the anticipation for that moment the judges announce the winner, the moment one team wins the right to brag for the following year. We wait in the living room as the judges go behind closed doors to taste, debate, and tally the results.
At last, the winners are announced - the kids category, the adults category, the overall grand prize, and the best presentation. Screams, whoops, and jeering accompany the announcements. In that moment, I wish the world would pause. The judges nodding in approval with a gleam in their eyes, the kids wide-eyed and smiling with the delight of their accomplishment, and the adults laughing as they argue the results. All the while grandma attempts to make everyone a winner, commenting on each dessert.
Happiness has become, literally, sweet with the scent and taste of sugar, chocolate, icing, and strawberry rampant in the air. I realize now that these are the moments that make everyday life seem pale and lifeless because of the emotions amplified by competition, family and, most of all, the holidays.
The laughter, the tears, and reminiscing emotions play a crucial role in the holidays. For the wife who lost her husband, the son rushing his father to the hospital, and the Christmas chefs basking in their glory, the emotions can be overwhelming.
This holiday you may be alone or you may be surrounded by family, yet whatever emotions you are feeling realize that someone down the street or across town is experiencing the same sentiments. Some have family members to wipe away their tears, or a friend to warm them with laughter, or even a pet cuddling close; however, countless people are alone and desperate for help.
Share your warmth, your dessert, a candy cane, or simply a smile and change, at least, one person’s holiday. Be the person that creates a positive difference during the cold of winter. Holidays are the season to be amped with joy, rather than downtrodden with loneliness. Holiday spirit comes from within, and you can be the person to ignite that for others.
