We’ve all been there. A great relationship. Something you’ve been wanting for so long. You’ve finally found someone who makes you feel comfortable, who makes you feel like your best self. You feel loved and important like you finally have something to work towards and everything feels… right. There’s a connection between you two that is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. You find yourself sitting at work anxiously waiting for 5:00 to get off and see him. When he grabs your hand and kisses it, time just stops. When he texts you, “I love you,” you find yourself tearing up, staring at the phone wondering how’d you ever get so lucky and for the first time in a long time, you are genuinely… happy.

And then things start to change…

You don’t really know how it happened or even when or why. It just did. You slowly start to feel more and more disconnected from him. Like he’s there physically, but his mind is somewhere far away. And no matter what you do, you just don’t know how to get there. He says he’s opening up to you in the best way that he knows how to. But you know him too well to know that there’s something else on his mind. And so you go to ask him. But you stop yourself because you don’t want to be that girlfriend that always complains and always tries to bring up problems. And so you start thinking...

Am I making this up in my head? Am I wrong to feel this way? Why do I feel this way? He tells me he loves me every day. Surely, there’s nothing wrong and I’m just worrying too much. I need to trust our relationship more. We’re solid, right? We’ve never been defeated before. We always come back stronger. We’re fine. All couples go through some rocky patches. It will work out.

So then you talk yourself into thinking that everything is okay and for a few days, it is. But then the same feeling comes back and you can’t shake it.

Why does it feel like hanging out with him takes so much effort now? Shouldn’t he WANT to spend time with me? Why does this suddenly feel like a one-way street? Why is he asking for space? I understand that people need space sometimes and he appreciates that I understand, but this has been going on for a month now. But this is normal, right? No, this isn’t normal. I need to ask him what’s going on.

And after many inside battles with yourself, you build up the courage to ask him what’s wrong. And he takes the time to reassure you that in time everything will be okay and that most importantly, he appreciates your support and patience more than anything and that even though he is sucking at being a boyfriend right now, he promises to do better and that he still loves you. And so you start to feel better for a little while and after thinking about his response, you realize how vague of an answer that was. And even though, you know deep, deep down that a breakup is happening in the future and that none of this is normal, you hold on. You hold on because you know how good the beginning of the relationship was and you want that back more than anything in this world.

It happened before, it can still be that way. You hold on because he still says I love you and you still have that title of being his girlfriend. You hold on because you promised you would never, ever give up on him, no matter how hard it got. Breaking up is the right thing to do and you know you should just do it, but you hold on because the thought of letting go terrifies you and there’s not a single ounce of strength in you that could possibly deal with the aftermath of losing what you had. And even though the signs are so, perfectly clear, you’re blinded by the love you have for this one person because you know the potential this relationship has. You’ve seen it first-hand before and you are nowhere near ready to throw that all away. And so you hold on. And you start getting used to that wall that he’s put up because, after a while, that becomes normal. You’re still with him, right? So you start “dealing” with the way he now treats you and you actually start believing that your expectations are set too high.

But let me tell you, if you ever get to this point, let go. There comes a time when holding on and fighting so hard for someone who doesn’t want to fight back becomes more of a burden for you than for them. It’s not fair to you to be holding on to something that once was when they’ve moved on. Put yourself first. You may not even know what that means because, for the past four years, you’ve put him first. But you will. You will break down and realize something needs to change and you’ll learn more about yourself and your strength throughout the process.