1. We're always rooting for you.

2. You know exactly where we are every other night.

99% we are on the couch watching the game.

3. We always have a comeback when someone insults us.

You mess with him, you're asking for it.

4. We're tough, and we take a lot of hits.

5. We don't steal hoodies. We steal jerseys. 

But, I mean, we'll take the hoodies too.

6. We pick our battles carefully.

And we can accept the fact that we can't win them all.

7. We're in it for the long run. 

The cup isn't going to win itself.

8. You don't have to worry about buying us gifts. 

There's a reason that hockey season covers Christmas and Valentine's Day. *wink wink*

9. Date night it easy.

As long as there's a game on, you know what to do.

10. We know how to celebrate a win.

11. You won't have to worry about a "too many men on the ice" penalty.

No penalty box for us, guys.

12. Um, have you seen us in jerseys? 

13. We know the definitions of loyalty and devotion.

And we can score a goal on your heart.