Being stuck in a negative mindset where you're constantly putting yourself down is a really hard way to live. But truthfully, its even harder to pull yourself out of it. We hit some really rocky cliffs sometimes, but before looking at the big picture we get too brave and decide to try to climb up the mountain anyways. Sometimes you need to hit those really rocky cliffs and scrape yourself a few times until life decides to really push you down and make you face whats truly in front of you. And its not usually until then that we realize theres an easier path right behind us, and there is a way out without hurting ourselves along the way.

I have been climbing some really rocky cliffs for months now. I walked up to them and told myself I would get to the top eventually. But I'm starting to realize that all the scrapes and cuts and bruises aren't worth it anymore. Last week I took my hardest fall, but I think it was a fall I have been needing to take, because it forced me to truly realize what I really had in front of me. It forced me to realize what I truly cared about.

And it was totally 100% a God thing.

I have been so focused on the things behind me that just don't matter. I have been so focused on holding on to the things that have done nothing but bring me down, rather than cling tighter to the things that bring me positivity and make me feel loved. And now its time to change that.

I got back to my school home this week full of anger, sadness, anxiety, and so many other conflicting emotions. I walked into my room and two of my best friends were there ready to give hugs with a great idea - lets go to the beach and see the sun rise. Of course this has been on our bucket list, but what better time to do it, right? And so we did exactly that.

We got to Ocean City, New Jersey at around 4:00 AM, 10/30/16. We laid down and looked at the stars, listened to the waves, and just waited (there was a 45 minute nap in there somewhere also). But we just waited and talked and took in the beauty of the night at our favorite place.

And then we witnessed one of the most beautiful components of God's creation - the sun rise.

After I finally slept after being awake for 39 hours, I was able to fully wrap my head around everything that had happened over the course of the weekend. I was able to actually visualize what I really had in front of me.

There were people in my life that were beyond willing to sacrifice their time for me and be there for me. There were people in my life who were ready to pick me up right away. There were people in my life who have been more than ready for me to focus my energy on them and were already showering me with their love. And though I put those people in three separate categories, all of the people I am talking about fit all three of them.

While I was standing and sitting and waiting on the beach that night to see that beautiful sun rise, I had one thing on my mind, and it was a very well known hymn, How Deep The Father's Love For Us.

We are constantly being held by the Father's arms. No matter how hard it is to see or believe it. The Lord has never left our side, and through all the spontaneity of that weekend I was able to finally see it for myself. He sent us His only son to die for us, all of us. After my actions and the way I have been living lately, I have a hard time believing that I deserve the sacrifice that He made for me. But I know that in His eyes, I deserve it a thousand times over and over again. We have a God that is so humble and loving and forgiving and gracious and amazing. I was able to see every single one of those characteristics through the beautiful spontaneous actions I had participated in that weekend (the beach wasn't the only one).

I am so thankful for such an amazing and loving Lord, not only because He loves me so much, but because He loves me so much that He placed these amazing people in my life.

His love is so deep for us all.

For those who you who may not know the lyrics, the song says this:

"How deep the fathers love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give his only son
To make a wretch his treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart:
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart:
His wounds have paid my ransom"