Love is an amazing and wonderful thing. It’s also a difficult and hard thing. If you’re lucky, you’ll find a love that makes the good times amazing and the bad times not so bad at all. I’m extremely lucky to have found a love like this. I’m in love with an amazing man who’s not only selfless, kind, and smart, but is also a soldier for the United States Army. When I tell people about his career, they always have lots of questions to ask, but the prevailing question they all ask seems to be this: “Is it hard dating someone in the military?” My answer to that question is this: it has its highs and lows.

Low: Distance.

There’s no beating around the bush: long distance is hard. With long distance, you’ll go months without hugging the person you love, giving them a kiss, sitting on the couch with them, even taking a midday nap with them. Your relationship depends on the phone calls you make, the packages you send, the texts you shoot back and forth, the Skype calls you have, and the pictures you get and send. It’s not what you picture when you think of the “perfect relationship,” but it’s what you have, and you’ll make it work.

High: Communication you share.

While the distance sucks, your communication skills are amazing because you’re both constantly talking. When you can’t be there for each other physically, you’re there for each other emotionally. Because of this, you find that your relationship is really solid because there’s never a worry about someone not talking about their feelings or thoughts. You come to share these openly, and you find yourself wondering how other couples have such a hard time talking to each other and being open since you find it so easy.

Low: The unknown.

When you’re in a relationship with someone in the military, there are a lot of unknowns. How long will they be at their current base? What holidays will they get? Are they going to be deploying? How long will they be gone? These kinds of questions are what dance around your mind all the time, and they can make life more stressful than what you two might want.

High: Planning the known.

While there are a lot of unknowns, there are also a lot of knowns. The knowns are really great because you get to talk about the knowns and plan them out. These knowns are what keep you going because they’re concrete and they allow for celebrations of sorts. Knowing when you can see each other next, knowing there’s a box in the mail for you that’ll be here any day now, knowing one of your birthday’s is coming up and that you two get to have a party over Skype; these knowns are what makes life better for you two, and so you look for all the knowns you can find.

Low: Having to plan visits around both your busy schedules.

Planning a time to fly out and visit can be really hard because not only do you have your busy schedule to plan around, but you have their schedule to plan around. Their schedule includes things like work, training, mandatory weekend get-togethers, schooling, and so on. Their schedule makes your schedule look like a kindergartner’s day, and so trying to make travel plans can be really, really hard.

High: Visits and adventures.

While planning the visits the two of you share is difficult and, at times, near impossible, the actual visits the two of you have are the best things in world. The time you spend together is treasured and not taken for granted, and the adventures you two go on are some of the best memories you will ever have in your life. It’s hard to get it all to work out, but when it does, it’s the best thing in the world.

Low: Military dictats so much.

When you’re in a relationship with a soldier, you have a third member of that relationship: the military. The military ends up dictating a lot of your decisions as a couple, which can suck. It can suck a lot. You don’t have the freedom of most other couples because they aren’t restricted by their significant other’s employer telling them they have to move every few years, go to a war zone for a year, stay up for 24 hours to make sure their comrades are safe, take a weekend to train for a variety of situations, and so on. It’s one of the more unsavory details of your relationship, but it is what it is.

High: A community of people who understand.

While the military itself might make life difficult, the people who are in the same boat as you make life better. Other military couples understand what you go through every day and they can offer you support you can’t find anywhere else. They know what to say when you say you need new date night ideas for Skype, they know how to help when you’re having a really hard day and missing your soldier more than normal, and they know how to make you and your soldier feel like you have a team by your side.

Low: Not always understanding what they’re talking about.

Sometimes your soldier talks about their day and you nod along not really knowing what they’re talking about. This is a frustrating gap in understanding because if they’re talking about something that’s annoying them, it’s hard to talk out solutions with them because you don’t know what you’re talking about, and if they’re talking about something funny, you probably won’t get the joke. It’s something that is easily fixable, but it can make you feel a little clueless at times.

High: Learning about their military career.

The positive side to this problem is that your soldier gets to tell you about all that they know and help expand your knowledge on the military. You get to learn about the amazing work they do and they get to help you understand what they do every day. This not only helps make your relationship stronger, but it allows you to fully embrace the military career your soldier is in.

Low: When they leave.

Whether this is leaving for the base after taking some vacation time, leaving for a long bout of schooling or training, or leaving to go to a war zone, when they leave, it’s the worst. You feel awful and sad while they’re gone and you can’t help but wish your other half were with you. It’s awful, but it’s not forever, and that’s what really matters.

High: When they come home.

This is the best thing in the entire world. There’s nothing quite like it. When you see your soldier’s face, feel the embrace of their arms around you, hear their voice in person, you know you’re in heaven. Your heart beats fast from excitement, your face is bright and full of smiles, and your life is complete again. Let’s face it: there’s nothing better than having your other half at home with you, which is where they belong.

Although there are many highs and lows to loving a soldier, I wouldn’t ask for anything else, because I’d rather have my soldier and the wonderful love we share than anyone else. No matter what other people might think, the lows are worth the highs you get when loving a soldier, and the love you share with your soldier is the strongest love you might ever share with a person.