During the craziness of finals week, my high school ex-boyfriend has been strangely what I've been thinking about. Haven't seen this kid since high school graduation, but yet he's a thought that comes up from time to time. I try to fully understand the significance of it all. But when I do think of him, I think of nothing but positive thoughts. I know that may be hard to believe because one day I woke up and decided to leave him. But words can't nearly express how much I appreciated his place in my life and how much I still do.

They say that everything happens for a reason, and I'm a strong believer in that. I also believe that you came into my life for a reason. I believe God plans our lives, and ultimately it's for our good. Through certain things that may not make sense or that may be hard, I take a step back and ask myself an important question. "What do you think God's trying to teach you?" It makes me appreciate and make sense of some of the harder circumstances in my life because I know God wouldn't put me through hard things just because. Suffering builds character. If there was life without pain, we wouldn't understand the joy of happiness. One of the important thing life is about learning and growing from our circumstances.

Although this guy is not currently in my life, I don't believe he was a mistake. I don't regret a single bit of it. Neither do I believe it was a waste of my life because that relationship taught me such an important lesson. Some people are meant to be in your life for a long term. But others come for a specific purpose and after that purpose is served their time is up. He loved me at a time when I couldn't even love myself. He taught me that I was more valuable than I saw myself to be.

I feel like sometimes we can be our own biggest bullies. Some days I think everyone thinks negative of me only because the truth is I think negatively of myself. I let the battle I'm having with myself wreck my perception on everything. I let the devils lies get to me. I never believed that I could have any value to anyone until he came around and taught me otherwise. Sometimes we dig ourselves so deep in negativity that it takes someone else to help us out, and show us who we are. To remind us of the truths.

I set my standards low because I thought I'd be lucky to find just anyone who seemed to appreciate me. As it's been said, "we accept the love we think we deserve." So I chased after people who didn't truly value me. I did everything in my power to earn the love of those who didn't care for me. Until one day he came along and you showed that I was more. I didn't think I was worthy enough to be with him because he had a much better reputation in high school than I did. Nobody wanted to be seen with the weird girl. But he came along and he treated me like a princess. He did everything in his power to show me how much he cared for me, and how valued I was. I was young and I believed that there were so many better things being tied down to him, and I was unappreciative of his love because I felt undeserving. So I took all that he gave me, and I left in search for "better". Crazy thing is when I look back all at of the guys I've involved myself with over the years, I realize that none of them has ever treated me as highly the way he treated me.

I'm not writing this to tell you that I want to be with my high school ex again. Both of us have moved on a long time ago, and are at good places in life. I'm showing you how this boy loving me modeled and mirrored how much God loves us. Ok, this may sound absurd because I'm comparing the God of the universe love for me to a high school fling. God is a higher being that us. God's love is something so great, something that my human brain will never fully grasp. Many things of God is just way too much for me to understand. So he teaches us with earthly lessons. He teaches us things through our everyday life. Although I was one of little faith in high school, God used that relationship as a method to teach me how much he loves me in a way my human brain can comprehend.

If you really dig deeper into the situation, I was freely handed love that I did not deserve. You see where I'm getting at? Love that I was given and took advantage of. In the end, I ran off to go chase other guys I knew were up to no good. I knew that way before I got involved with them and still ran off with them because dangerous was more appealing. Those guys broke my heart. I did the same to God. God loves me so much, but every single day of my life I spit on him and run away in search for something else. Every day of my life I tell God that every other thing on this earth is better than the one who made it all. What can be greater than the creator of the universe who died for my sin, and loves me unconditionally. Unfortunately, the devil often tricks me into thinking the things of this world have more value than the free, unconditional love God has given me. All those hopeless things I was in search of could not possibly compare to the free love that God has given. The only love that will never disappoint.

My prayer at the beginning of this week was asking God to help more gradually comprehend how much he loves me. I hear about how much God love us, but I'm still so blind to it. For some strange reason on the week of college finals, I just so strangely happened to be reflecting on a silly relationship that took place almost four years ago. God knew this when it happened, he knew that something that some may have seen as a waste of time would have a big underlying message for me someday. It's often said God works in mysterious ways. He has drawn out a picture for me using something as silly as my high school relationship to help teach me. It honestly always blows my mind how God works.

I guess this relationship taught me a lot of things. It set the standards high for the next guy. I know who I am now. God used him to teach me my value. He used him to remind me that I am loved, and I should live my life that way. I shouldn't give into the devil's lies that say that I have no value. That relationship forever changed my perspectives on relationships. In my next relationship, I'm going to look for a for a guy who's love for me mirrors God's love for us. Ephesians 5:25 states, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." God made love between a man and a woman to be an earthly picture of how much Christ loves the earth. It's honestly such a beautiful thing.