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To The Girl I Haven’t Seen Since High School, I Don’t Want To Join Your Pyramid Scheme

Sorry Mackenzie, not interested.

Magdalene Scarlett

Sep 08, 2019

Auburn University Gordon State College

To The Girl I Haven’t Seen Since High School, I Don’t Want To Join Your Pyramid Scheme

YouTube/Krista Hardebeck

To start off, we never spoke in High School, so why reach out to me now?

I've seen the same message before from random people worded the same way, just promoting their pyramid scheme. I'm not interested in your $30 candles or your $15 nail wraps. If I was interested I'd most likely reach out to you.

Please do not tell me all the benefits to it and how much of a discount you can give me. I also don't care if your friend is looking for 3 people to try out her product for free for 2 months. If I wanted energy tea, I would reach out.

Flooding my inbox with unwanted messages is annoying. I don't care if you think I would be a perfect fit and you give me 100 compliments, I'm not falling for it.

Please don't start telling me how it's a “small business", I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear about how much money you've made in one month with this company. No thanks, I have a job I go to everyday.

Don't think you're going to persuade me to join your pyramid scheme with the common phrases:

“You can work from your phone" or “You can make an extra $500 month"

No Haley, I'm OK.

Don't reach out to me after not seeing me in years and expect me to become your best friends over a pyramid scheme. I'm not begging my friends to try your products out. I'm not paying outrageous prices for something I can buy at TJ Maxx.

Stop sending me DM's. I'm not interested in your weight loss pills or your mascara that's like “no other" and honestly, I don't think anyone else is interested either.

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To The Girl I Haven’t Seen Since High School, I Don’t Want To Join Your Pyramid Scheme

Sorry Mackenzie, not interested.

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It's Been a Long Winter Break

Making the world safer through language.

1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.

2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".

3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.

4. Use the word cisgender.

5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.

6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.

7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.

Sometimes, we just can't help the feelings we have

1. Wow. My voice sounds amazing with this song.

2. Okay, if you can't sing, don't do it.

3. But wait, I don't think I can be friends with someone who isn't going to jam out in the car with me.

4. Dance part in the car! Even when I'm alone. Because every song is my favorite.

5. Stop light. Act calm. Be cool.

6. Yes! Green light! Back at it!

7. I don't know this song, but I'm going to sing along anyway.

8. Why am I not famous yet?

9. Being next to someone who can't sing so you feel good about yourself because you rock!

10. OK, I'm so good. I need to sing louder so I can help these people out.

11. My voice doesn't reach some of those notes, maybe I should sit this one out.

12. Randomly bursting out in song and getting weird looks because of it.

13. God, thank you so much for giving me a good voice.

14. Man, I feel bad for people who can't sing.

15. Was I just humming? Did they hear me?

16. Having dance moves to go along with most songs.

17. Not being able to stop yourself at correcting people when they mess up.

18. Maybe I should post myself singing.

19. Nah, can't do it. Dumb idea.

20. Having my own personal concert in the shower. Every single time.

Normal people wouldn't understand

1. Having time to nap between classes or at all.

2. Waking up 10 minutes before your class starts and making it there in time.

3. Making it to class in general

4. Only having to hit the snooze button three times.

5. When you didn't do the homework and the teacher decides not to collect it for that day.

6. Getting that "I'm sorry, but class is cancelled" email.

7. Finding a quiet seat in the library.

8. Actually enjoying a class and understanding all of the material.

9. Having a friend to eat lunch with.

10. Finishing an assignment before the due date.

11. When there is free food on campus.

Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

1. You can't remember your last day off.

2. Whenever someone asks to hang out, you're working.

3. When you do see your friends, you're in a "treating mood."

4. You work so much you don't have time to spend the money you're making.

5. You're too tired to function when you aren't working.

6. Finally seeing your friends and having way too much to catch up on.

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