I didn't really become aware of this recently, but it almost hit me one day - I hide behind my glasses when I don't feel confident.

It's felt like I've had bad eyesight since forever, but in truth I've been wearing glasses since about 4th or 5th grade, when I was 11 or 12.

I was never really confident with myself or my body when I was young, I still am not very confident now sometimes, but when I was younger I thought that glasses would make me more stylish and beautiful. I remember seeing other girls, who I thought were prettier or smarter, getting glasses and thinking, "maybe if I have glasses I'll look cooler."

Little Joscelyn decided that she absolutely needed glasses, and in order to get them, she was going to mess up her eyesight.

I would start to purposely blur my vision at times, and by the time the vision test at school came up, I was ready. I failed the eye test and the school told my parents that I needed glasses.

Can we just take a second to appreciate how much I hate past Joscelyn? Yes, you've read correctly so far; I purposely ruined my own perfect eyesight so that I could be "cooler."

To be fair, both of my parents have the worst eyesight ever, and my little brother ended up having to get glasses around the same age I did, so this whole situation might not have actually been completely my fault.

Even so, that was stupid. If you're a young kid reading this, please do not purposely blur your vision and ruin your eyesight just because you think having glasses would be cool.

I digress.

The point is, I felt the need to have glasses even at a young age because of my insecurities - this mindset was passed on to present Joscelyn.

Today I had to work at JCPenney again. Most days I just wear glasses, but I decided to put in my contacts because my two current glasses didn't go with the dress I was wearing. After work, I had a date to get ready for in the evening.

We went to see a movie ("Incredibles 2"). Normally I don't like wearing glasses in movie theaters because I feel like the experience is more personal and detailed without them, but I took out my contacts at the last minute when I was getting ready.

I told myself it was because my black glasses look really good with the outfit I was wearing, but I stopped myself and really thought about why I decided to switch.

I was nervous about my appearance and image - it was obvious.

Once I realized this, I thought about the past year or two and stood in shock. It was clear, based on my conscious decision whether or not to wear glasses, that my confidence had shifted in the past 6 months.

During my junior and senior year of high school, I rarely wore my glasses. When I did, I wore them as a fashion statement with certain outfits.

In college, however, I started wearing them more often. I gave myself, and everyone else, many excuses as to why I stopped wearing contacts - the wind in Cleveland is too hard, it's making the contacts move, it's easier just to wear glasses, my contacts were hurting my eyes, etc etc.

These excuses might have a little bit of truth to them, but I was continuing to deny my issues that I was having with my personality and body image. This still hasn't really gotten much better.

I might've only come to this realization because I've been recently self-reflective and binge-watching "Queer Eye," but I know now what to look for as warning signs in my own behavior, and I know I need to start improving. Soon.