Are we really supposed to believe that out of the 7 billion people that live on our planet, there is ONE individual that we are meant to be with? Are we really missing our "other half"? Or are we breaking up perfectly good relationships thanks to these unrealistic (and unhealthy) expectations that are constantly thrown at us?
Maybe that's why the divorce rate is 50%...
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All our lives we are conditioned to believe that we NEED the one. It's as if we aren't whole until we find them. We are fed this idea we are not even a complete person until we find our 'soulmate". Don't believe me?
I love you. You…you complete me. -Jerry Maguire
“I’d never lived before your love, I’d never felt before your touch, and I never needed anyone to make me feel alive, but then again, I wasn’t really living.” ~Kelly Clarkson (Before Your Love)
Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back.
- Meet Joe Black
1.) I'm complete without another human being, thank you.
2.) Obsession is never healthy.
Self identity is important... and almost impossible when movies and song lyrics shove phrases like "you complete me" down your throat. And yes, you may think it's innocent hyperbolic lyrics to express love to someone else. But when you turn on the radio, you hear "you complete me." When you watch a music video you hear, "I haven't lived until I met you." These exaggerated words act as nothing more than red alerts for single people. Find a lover and only then will you discover yourself. I can see how meeting your love can help you learn more about yourself. But to say that we require another human being to discover our full potential is a little self demeaning.
We romanticize the thought of true love to be this man or woman that makes all our pieces fit, that makes our flaws feel like perfection, that makes us feel whole as if we aren't whole all by ourselves. We strive to find someone who wants to be with us every moment of every day. We want them to constantly remind us of our beauty and loving personality, someone who never gets tired of hearing us complain, someone who will put our needs before theirs always, no exceptions. We want someone so perfect, so loving, so completely and utterly obsessed with us that it's almost as if their sole purpose on this planet was to find you and love you and marry you and be with you... Soulmate does't sound so romantic anymore does it?
I am in a loving and committed relationship and have been for the past three years. But we didn't get this way by conforming to the distorted ideology of finding a person to lick our wounds. No, we started as friends, then best friends, and that's when we both agreed we were so much more. Yes, we are in love with one another. But we aren't obsessed with each other. We are better together but whole without one another. And I could live without him... I just would never want to.
True (and healthy) love should be wanting to be with someone because they make your whole you a better, stronger, and happier person. You aren't lost without them, but you're more grounded with them. You aren't anxiously staring at your phone for hours waiting for them to call you but talking to them is the highlight of your day. And God forbid anything happens to them, you know everything is going to be alright.
Be in love sweetheart. It's a beautiful thing. But they are not your half. You are full of life. You are strong and charismatic. And most importantly, you are an individual. No one needs to complete you because no one comes into the world broken.
There is no such thing as a soulmate…and who would want there to be? I don’t want half of a shared soul. I want my own damn soul.
-Rachel Cohn
