If we were to gather across a table from one another with coffee in hand, I would tell you that I am in a stage of life where I know exactly what I want, except I don’t. That when I think about my future and the people I want to surround myself with and the career/academic goals I want to achieve, I know where I want to be. But when I dwell on things like dating and certain life stages that I have absolutely no idea what I want.

Being someone who has been independent and invested in self-growth for as long as I can remember, I’ll go ahead and say that I'm so incredibly used to being on my own and mostly end up enjoying my alone time as much as my social time.

No, it's not like I've never dated. Yes, sometimes I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship again. Yes, I do catch myself craving a companion on certain days.

I'm not sorry to admit these things because this is who I am.

Independence, adventure, and quality time with myself and others is what I have always known. It's something I've always been certain of. That these are the things that make me different.

Sometimes that scares people off. Sometimes it draws people closer.

When it separates me from particular people or outcomes that I've foreseen for myself, sometimes I've found myself full of pride and pain that my perspective was not viewed as unique or valuable to the other party.

I'll be keen and go ahead and mention that the pride I had in my independence and self-determination cost me things I never expected to lose. And through the humbleness and grace people have shown me, my heart has softened. And as a result, I was able to gain back some of what I had lost — and to me that's everything.

Nevertheless, I think the reason I'm so uncertain of the things I don't have planned out for my life is because it's uncharted territory.

I don't know my way around these parts so I do one of these three things: jump right in, turn away, or put my toes in the water and yank it right back.

Is there a compromise?

I really don't know. This is something that I'm constantly struggling with.

How do you know when it's right? At what point can you predict the outcome and make a decision about the situation in order to keep your heart guarded but get the full experience? How do you know you're not falling behind the life stage curve? Is there a standard in this life that needs to be followed in regards to accomplishments, relationships, and age? Who are you if you're not dating someone? Is it possible to have full confidence in new situations?

To my readers: After reading this, I hope you can recognize that there are so many girls your age wrestling with singleness, conflicted feelings, personal endeavors, etc. It's something that I've found myself battling with within the last year especially.

Some days I'm totally fine. Nothing can stop me.

Others not so much — those are the ones where something invokes that feeling where your stomach drops and the pain you felt so long ago has been recreated.

I'm a strong person, but I have my seasons of weakness. And at times, it seems like this one is never going to end.

I have trouble occupying my mind beyond certain moments, and sometimes I reside on things that are past and I over-analyze.

This post is not to gain sympathy or gain followers. It's simply to raise awareness to the young women who are reading this.

Wherever you are, whoever you are. It's okay to not be okay for some period of time. It's okay to feel those things again because whatever made you feel broken still has some sort of effect on you. It's okay to still feel ashamed of whatever hurt you because we're only human.

I believe that time helps heal but I don't know if it ever completely goes away. I do know that you can learn from it in order to move forward, which may be the best form of healing out there.

So if we were grabbing coffee right now and you were willing to listen, I would tell you that I don't have my life together in every aspect. That my heart has been all over the place lately. That even in the slightest moment I find myself panged with old feelings of happiness and hurt. I would tell you that I'm working on it and that only time will tell, but I'm making it and slowly moving towards the goals I've always been aiming for.

So, what would you tell me?