It has been awhile since I allowed someone to love me and to love them back at the same time. The last time this happened I ended up feeling broken and lost. Whoever you end up being, I am a complicated person, I will never really know when I will be truly ready for you. I am sorry about all my complications and craziness ahead of time. When I am ready for you, this is my letter to you.
Please be patient and forgive me.
I know I am always going to be your biggest pain in the butt. I am sorry for all my pain in the butt tendencies. I know that I will get angry over stupid/petty things, Hunny I am so sorry. I am very sensitive, as much as I don't want to admit it, I am. I will get upset over simple things and sometimes I will too cry easily. But I obviously love you and I want you to stick around and to always be my shoulder to cry on. So, please ignore my pettiness. Please forgive me for the dumb statements and stupid arguments. I only fight with you because I love you. Be patient with me, the mood swings will pass and everything is going to be fine. Sometimes you may have to ignore me for a little while or a simple phone call from you will suffice, your voice could change my mood. I love you and I am so very sorry I am crazy. But be patient, it will be okay. I promise to always do the same for you.
Please look toward our future, not the past.
I know that we both have pasts and they will overshadow our futures. But let's make a pact right now, don't bring up the past, only look toward the future. When I am ready, I will tell you of my past. If you have a crazy past, then I will be looking forward to you telling me about it when you're good and ready. Please, don't try to pry it out of me. Also, please promise me you won't bring up my past in unnecessary moments or throw it in my face. I don't share all the gory details of my past with anyone. You're a special kind of person, so I chose to share it with you. Most importantly, don't bring up my ex all the time. He is in the past, let's keep him there. Please, let us always look toward the future we hold together, not our pasts.
I am not like all the other girls.
I don't want you to ever think that I am anything like the other girls. I hate the drama. I will never want to be apart of it. Also, when we are around your friends, just treat me like I am one of the guys, I will do whatever you want to do. If you want to play video games with your buddies, then baby I am down to just sit and watch, or even play if you want me to. I'm not too picky about where we go or when we go anywhere. As long as I am with you, then I am happy.
I am hard to love, I know.
I know that I come with a lot of baggage and I can be a bit too much sometimes. But bare with me. I am going to try and push you away, but please don't let that be a reason to leave. It is who I am and I cannot help it. I don't really understand it either, but I know I am going to do it. I want to be with you so don't let anything I ever say, tell you differently. I am hard to love but if you're worth it, you will figure it out.
No matter what I am always going to be scared.
It is not you, it's me. It truly is, I am not saying that to avoid the situation on hand. I am literally scared of everything. Most of the time, I will be scared and I will probably want to call my parents or even my best friends to talk to them about what is going on. I get scared and I might not always listen to them but they seem to calm me down. You will get there love, eventually, you will be who I want to turn to when I need to be calmed down. But, that of course is going to take some time. I am scared of everything, it's not you.
Trust me.
I am not perfect and I know that I will make mistakes. But, please trust me. Don't question me about stupid things people say. Don't ever feel the need to snoop through my things. If you love me then you won't need to ask or snoop, you will know that it is only you and will alway be you. Please always trust in me because that is the most important part of a relationship. You obviously make me happy, let us keep it that way.
I am so excited about you.
I really am. I am excited to see where this journey with you will go. You make me happy or you wouldn't be around. I am super excited about us. I am sure that I am happy to finally be able to be happy again. So let us take our time and find out what the future has to hold for us, I am sure that it is something special.
