Have you ever heard the saying “forgive and forget? When a friend stabs you in the back or someone breaks your heart, people will tell you, “Oh screw them! You don’t need them! Forgive and forget!” Yeah, well, if it was only that easy.

Friendships and relationships are built on trust, loyalty, kindness and love. Once one of those things are taken away, it’s hard to ever get them back. It’s like the thing you put so much effort and love into is now taken away. How do you trust someone after they betrayed you? How do you love someone after they hurt you? How do you forgive someone after they have taken a piece away from you?

Well honestly, I can’t tell you the secret behind forgiving someone. I’m sure I am not alone when I say this but I’ve been hurt more times than I would like to remember. I have had friends give up on me, I have had partners who have lied to me or cheated on me and I have even had family that have treated me like I was nothing. So when someone tells me to “forgive and forget," I’d really like to tell them to get out of my face because they have no idea what my life is like.

But as hard as it is, I do honestly believe that forgiving someone is one of the strongest traits a person can have. Not everyone is capable of letting go of the anger and hurt they hold on to. But when you finally get to the place where you can let go of it all and move on, you realize how much lighter life feels. You realize that everyone makes mistakes, even you, and that your forgiveness could fix a relationship or mend a broken heart.

My boss said to me the other day, “You know, you’ll never regret the nice things you did in life. As badly as a person could treat me, I’d like to think as long as I was kind to them, and I was not hurtful or resentful, that at least I did the right thing. I’d like to think that if someone hurts me, that I have the strength to forgive them and move on or fix it. Because you make choices in your life and you’ll never regret being kind; you’ll only regret the times you were hurtful.”

For a long time, I didn’t see it like that. I figured if someone is rude to me or hurts me, I’m going to give them a taste of their own medicine. But I don’t think that’s how we’re supposed to do it. I think we’re supposed to be kind. I think we’re supposed to face the back-stabbing friends, the hurtful partners and the harsh people in our lives with grace. I’m not saying that you should let people walk all over you and let them get away with whatever they want while you just keep forgiving them. I’m saying that you should remember it takes a strong person to be able to forgive someone. And not everyone can and that’s OK. But if you can, be proud of it. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you the bigger person.