Shark Week was last week, but I was too busy playing NFL Street in my basement to to see what goes on under the sea. Plus, it seems like Shark Week has like the same 60% of programming every year with the occasional Olympic race, but NFL Street is always a different experience. Turnover or touchdown? Won't know until I throw. But enough about what we would both rather me be doing right now. You want sharks, you got em. Coming right up, Captain.
1. Jaws
I still can't believe I'm doing this. Okay, so here's one of the most well-known sharks ever. I don't know if it's actually named Jaws, but as far as I know that's its name. Jaws was a great white shark. Jaws was big, giving truth to the famous quote "Uh, Quint, this boat is pretty small don't ya think?" The enormous great white shark weighed three tons and reached an imposing 25 feet in length. Jaws killed some folks and ate Quint, but they never tried to show it love so I can't say if the shark is purely evil. There are more sharks, enough to plan an entire week of television around. Jaws is not the only shark.
2. Jaws 2
Jaws 2 was not as cool as its parent Jaws. At least, that's what I've been told. I never saw it. The movies came out before I was born. I would imagine if you killed a giant great white shark once you could do it again without much trouble. But then again, I beat the NFL Legends team in NFL Street when I was in middle school, but doing it last week proved quite taxing on my skills. I endured though. Chester Tunkley bumrushed Ken Stabler enough to make me say "that's gonna leave a mark," out loud, to no one but myself, and Boss Meadows came through with two interceptions and one defensive TD. As much as I love NFL Street, sadly it does not pay the bills (although you can play as the Bills). Here are some more sharks for your scheduled yearly fascination.
3. Goblin sharks
These goblins are all too real. And they live underwater?!? Goblin sharks spend most of their time looking ridiculous. I like to imagine that food becomes stuck on their goblin horn and they end up having to ask a crab or lobster for help pulling it off. Call me, Pixar. Nature is amazing.
4. Hammerhead sharks
This might be my favorite kind of shark based on looks. Although not as silly-looking as the goblin shark, the hammerhead is still a bit of a clown. Look at it. Supposedly hammerhead sharks eat crabs. I also eat crabs, so I share a very special dietary connection with these creatures. Wait, I'm Googling it, and it looks like a variety of sharks eat crabs, not just hammerheads. We'll come back to this shark when it decides not to act like it's so special. Damn, Ham. I trusted you.
5. The Sharks logo from NFL Street
Can you blame me? Look at that beautiful shark. I personally run with the sabertooth tiger logo, not the sharks logo, as my team name is Ice Age 2. I would post a pic of my team logo, but this article is about Shark Week, not Ice Age 2: An Underdog Story (Working Title).
Like I said, I could go on all day about these sharks, but there's an Xbox controller that should have my name on it beckoning me to the field. The football field. See you when you've satisfied your shark frenzy.
