Its 11:31 pm and this article is due at midnight. I spend my day counting down the hours until I could leave work, speeding profusely to class, and presenting a 5-page Spanish paper analyzing a poem by a Puerto Rican author to my peers and language professors, and eating an ungodly amount of Mexican food. (Welcome to pre-dead week.)
I hope someday I get to look back on these days of my life and appreciate the literal blood, sweat, and tears I have put into my future.
I love looking towards my future. It seems like no matter how many things I manage to screw up, the future still looks bright.
However, I am afraid I am disregarding my “bad choices," just because I know I might be able to make up for them at a later date.
I saw a poster the other day that simply said “here & now”—I want to be here. Now.
Sometimes I am surprised at how fast my life moves, how quickly the seconds tick away, and soon it’s 11:41 and I have 29 minutes to finish this article.
I want to be present, every single day. I want to feel everything —good or bad—in the depths of my soul.
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t saying “I can’t wait until…” and often forget about what happens between the “big” moments. It’s like when you find a treasure between the couch cushions or something. Like the cushions support you, and they are essential, but there is something beautiful and sparkly and lovely between them too. The most beautiful parts of life—the messy, ugly, heart wrenching, soul-searching parts—happen when we’re not looking.
So, I hope I am present when those things happen. I hope I am aware and alert and appreciative and remember to use them as a stepping stone to where I someday will be.
I love thinking about my future and about the person I someday hope to be. But, I have a greater hope that I will never forget who I am today.
It’s okay to believe the future is bright—it really is, just look hard enough. But I want to be present. I want to be here, now.
I challenge you (my very few extraordinary readers) to be where you are, now--No matter how difficult, outrageous, disappointing, or just plain busy it may be. Be thankful, gracious, courageous, strong—now.
Take a break from technology. Take a trip. Visit your grandmother. Write a poem. Listen to a beautiful piece of music until it is ingrained in your creases of your brain. Present a 5-page Spanish paper without complaining. (I couldn't do this, so I will be taking my own advice. Promise.) Just do whatever it is that makes you feel present and grounded.
& feel everything within the depths of your soul.
