If you know me well, you know that I say sorry far too often.
I'm a naturally clumsy person. And in the course of a day, I wouldn't be surprised if I said "I'm sorry" over 30 times. I catch myself handing out apologies like they're candy in a parade. Arrived late? Wow, I'm sorry. Worded a sentence wrongly? Oh no!! I'm sorry. Miscalculated a number? I'm sorry, I'm not so good at math. Bumped into someone? I'm sorry. Forgot about something important? Oh my God, I am so sorry. I catch myself constantly handing out "sorry's" to strangers, family members, my friends — heck I even apologize to inanimate objects. (Shoutout to the counter I always run into and trip over at work)
Here's the problem with apologizing so much: While you're handing out apologies like they're candy in a parade, you are slowly collecting feelings of guilt. If you truly mean it, saying sorry is about one of the only phrases where you truly feel the weight of your mistakes or shortcomings at the expense of someone. Sometimes I'll even throw in a little insult/generalization upon the situation in there like "I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this." Just to spice it up, you know? It's supposed to be a step in the right direction. But the thing is, it can really desecrate your confidence, apologizing so much. And in some ways it doesn't really do much for the person you're apologizing to anyway.
I recall once sitting next to one of my closest friends back in high school and I think I was on a "sorry spree" for some silly things regarding a project we were working on. I was starting to get frazzled because we were nearing a publishing deadline. He touched my arm and said something along the lines of, "I wish you would stop saying sorry so much, I care about you and it makes me feel bad whenever you start saying sorry."
You know what? I think I apologized for apologizing after he said that.
The thing is, the bad vibes goes both ways and saying sorry, although it's got good intentions, can end up not so great.
Try saying thank you: I recently came upon a tumblr post that reads—
I've begun to put it into action, at work, at home, when I talk to my friends and family. And it is a relief. While it can't totally replace absolutely everything you'd say you're sorry for, it's a healthy way of recognizing your responsibility and building your relationships — you know, even if you are terribly clumsy like me. I look back at my conversation with my friend back in high school and if I could do it over again, I'd have thanked him for making me feel like I didn't have to apologize. I'd thank him for taking me the way I am.
Your uncoordinated moments are not your undeserving moments. You are not your mistakes or your miscalculations. Observe, appreciate and mend, and look forward in a more positive light. Don't let your shortcomings hinder the way that you connect with your loved ones and enjoy your life. Chances are they're not anywhere near as big of a deal as you might think.
Take a moment and try this, I don't think you'll regret it.
