I am lucky to have not experienced the death of anyone I am extremely close to within my family. The thought of saying goodbye to someone I love so deeply terrifies me, and I cannot possibly imagine my life without any them. Loss is one of the most painful experiences humans will inevitably encounter, and none of us should have to face death, or begin to recover from it, without the support of others to pick us up when we fall.

Recently, some of my best friends experienced tragedy within their family that they were unprepared for, and never expected would happen. Then again, how does one prepare to say goodbye to those that hold the biggest place in their heart?

As one who has never lost anyone I am incredibly close with, I found myself struggling to find the words to say because, "I'm sorry" simply did not seem like enough. I had no idea how to act around them because I did not want to de disrespectful of how they were feeling, and I feared that if I did the wrong thing or said something insensitive, I would make them feel worse or cause them to push away from me.

Watching my loved ones in pain was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I felt that I would truly do anything to take their pain away and feel it instead so they did not have to. I did everything I thought I could to remind my friends that I was there for anything that they need and that I support them, but I still felt absolutely hopeless, and that nothing I could do was enough because no matter what I said or did I could not bring their loved ones back.

I learned that there really is no one way to help those most important to me through a difficult time, because we all have different needs, and with that we heal differently. Although what my friends want or need to hear may differ, I understand now that universally, we all just want someone to remind us that they love us and they are here for us, regardless of what we are going through. Even if we are just sitting in silence, having someone by our side so we do not feel so alone is immensely comforting.

This must go beyond one day, or a few days after the death. We must remind our loved ones of how important they are to us all throughout the year, rather than one day. That is true support and love, not an seemingly obligatory apology or check in once a year. It is so important that we show our friends that we love them frequently. Tragedy does not just effect us for one day; it is a shadow that follows us everywhere, and we cannot predict how it will effect us.

Also, I learned not to fear my friends, or treat them as though they are fragile glass by tiptoeing around the tragedy, or treating them differently. We must remind ourselves that we must be empathetic and sensitive towards their feelings, but they do not want our pity or for us to not be genuine.

We cannot be expected to know exactly what to say when someone else is struggling with a loss; after all, we have no idea what goes on inside their mind, which is so different from our own. All we can do is support them and be their rock as they begin to heal, even if we cannot seem to find the right words or actions to bandage their emotional wounds.