When you are scarred, broken and lost – when you’ve reached the lowest or most difficult point in your life – that’s when you look around at the people surrounding you and realize that everyone is on their own journey. Everyone is following their own path, and there are very few people on this planet that will hold their hand out for you to give you an opportunity to keep yourself from drowning. No one is going to be there for you every single time you need them, sometimes not even yourself. However, understanding that growing as an individual really consists of conquering your own battles with your bare hands. In doing so, you may find that you gain incredible amounts of wisdom and pride. Many times, when faced with a situation that leaves you feeling like you can’t possibly get much lower, you don’t necessarily need help, you simply need support. Depending on the situation, in my opinion, the two hold completely different meanings.

When you ask someone for help, you may interpret that as tangible assistance or aid in an endeavor. Support during a struggle means a motivator, an inspiration or someone who believes in you when you find it difficult to believe in yourself. Personally, I’ve had much help over the last few years of my life, when I’ve found it to be the absolute most difficult time of my life thus far. What I seem to be searching for, though, is support. I don’t need any more physical assistance – I don’t need anyone to spoon-feed me answers to my problems, I don’t need anyone to show me right from wrong based on their own personal beliefs and opinions. I don’t need financial help, although I’m struggling more financially now than I have ever been before. I need support in finding my own way to financial stability, on my own terms.

No, I don’t need help. I need people who will allow me to grow as an individual. I need support in the way of keeping me on track to where I want to be – not where everyone else thinks I should be. I need someone to tell me that it’s okay to mess up, not keep me from doing so. I need people who will understand who I am and will help me cultivate my personality into a tool – not people who will try to change the person I’ve spent over two decades trying to discover. I am different than those around me who love and help me, that much is certain. But I will never be seen feeling disparaged or denigrated by the opinions of those whom I expect to support me any longer. I will search for support in people who want to see me blossom into the person I want to be. I will seek motivation from people who will allow me to explore all opportunities presented to me – whether that means developing a relationship, finishing an education or traveling for a career I’ve worked so hard to get.

I’ve asked for support from my family, I’ve found support within my friends, and I’ve gained support from someone who was a stranger to me a year ago. I don’t know where I’ll end up, no one really does. But, if when you get to where you’re going, you can look back and say that you’ve paved this road on your own, then you are indeed surrounded by people who support you, not people who help you. Pushing your way through a time of struggle is a personal success, and if you feel as though you need someone to help pull you through the quicksand, that doesn’t make you any less successful. No matter how you conquer your battles, it should always be recognized as an individual triumph, different from that of those around you. Your finish line should always be filled with people who have pride in you for following your own way at your own pace.

Often enough, you may find that there are people who love you and who you thought supported you your whole life, when in reality, they’ve helped you. This doesn’t mean that they love you any less, but they must learn the difference. As should everyone – recognizing that there are grey areas in the spectrum of love and friendship means also recognizing that there are people who are close to your heart but simply don’t believe in the way you do things. There are several dimensions to loving or caring for someone, the most important thing to realize is what you need. Most times, you simply need a buffer to help cushion the blow – someone who is going to push you to conquer your battles on your own, and remind you of your resilience. In all, you must find your own personal peace. You must identify the people in your life – those who are willing to support you, those who are willing to help you, those who will do both, and those who will do neither.

Have fun. Be fun. Forever.

-Kourtni