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Help Find Emma A Boyfriend

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono.

Brittany Schmidt

Jul 17, 2017

Saint Mary's College - Indiana

4081

Brittany Schmidt

She's tried tinder. She's tried wearing a low cut bikini top in her Instagram pictures. She's tried roaming the aisles of Costco on Friday nights for a DILF, but my little sister, Emma, has had no luck with finding herself a boyfriend. There's not much more she can do to find the perfect guy. I have decided to create Emma a personalized dating advertisement in hopes that I can find her a man. With your help, maybe, just maybe, "Mr. Semi-Okay" is out there for Emma!

Emma's Physical Features:

Height: 5'2

Eye Color: Green

Food that describes her body shape: Meatball

Shoe Size: 8

Ring Size: 9

Random Facts About Emma:

Can burp the ABC's

Can rap Lil Wayne's part in Jay Sean's song Down

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono

She was once cut from the volleyball team, cheer leading team, and the traveling show choir all in the 7th grade

Claims to not have a bad angle

What Emma Prefers:

Chinese noodles or rice? Noodles

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi

Mullet or Mutton Chops? Mullet

Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Jacob

Shirts or Skins? Skins

Some of Emma's Favorite Things:

Root Beer

McChickens

Her dogs

A fierce 2001 Ford Escape

Bob's Burgers

What Emma is Looking for in a Man:

Someone who can support her financially, while she supports him physically

Someone who has the ability to lift her up like Baby in the last scene of Dirty Dancing

Someone who knows the difference between there, their, and they're.

Someone who will laugh at the Tweets she will DM you on Twitter

A heartbeat

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Help Find Emma A Boyfriend

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono.

Emma's Physical Features:

Random Facts About Emma:

What Emma Prefers:

Some of Emma's Favorite Things:

What Emma is Looking for in a Man:

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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