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Help Find Emma A Boyfriend

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono.

Brittany Schmidt

Jul 17, 2017

Saint Mary's College - Indiana

4.1k

Brittany Schmidt

She's tried tinder. She's tried wearing a low cut bikini top in her Instagram pictures. She's tried roaming the aisles of Costco on Friday nights for a DILF, but my little sister, Emma, has had no luck with finding herself a boyfriend. There's not much more she can do to find the perfect guy. I have decided to create Emma a personalized dating advertisement in hopes that I can find her a man. With your help, maybe, just maybe, "Mr. Semi-Okay" is out there for Emma!

Emma's Physical Features:

Height: 5'2

Eye Color: Green

Food that describes her body shape: Meatball

Shoe Size: 8

Ring Size: 9

Random Facts About Emma:

Can burp the ABC's

Can rap Lil Wayne's part in Jay Sean's song Down

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono

She was once cut from the volleyball team, cheer leading team, and the traveling show choir all in the 7th grade

Claims to not have a bad angle

What Emma Prefers:

Chinese noodles or rice? Noodles

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi

Mullet or Mutton Chops? Mullet

Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Jacob

Shirts or Skins? Skins

Some of Emma's Favorite Things:

Root Beer

McChickens

Her dogs

A fierce 2001 Ford Escape

Bob's Burgers

What Emma is Looking for in a Man:

Someone who can support her financially, while she supports him physically

Someone who has the ability to lift her up like Baby in the last scene of Dirty Dancing

Someone who knows the difference between there, their, and they're.

Someone who will laugh at the Tweets she will DM you on Twitter

A heartbeat

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Help Find Emma A Boyfriend

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono.

Emma's Physical Features:

Random Facts About Emma:

What Emma Prefers:

Some of Emma's Favorite Things:

What Emma is Looking for in a Man:

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College athletes, it's time we talk about sports hygiene.

1. It's just the basics.

2. Just an easy tip.

3. As a college student, I get it.

4. Time to be real.

5. Shower right after.

6. Another get real moment.

7. Take home your clothes.

8. Be nice!

9. Disinfect!

10. Just keep up with yourself.

What would I do without my mom?

1. “Good luck today! I believe in you and always will.”

2. “Everything will be OK.”

3. “Do you want to come home for the weekend?”

4. “Don’t stress! Stress causes pimples and we don’t want that!”

5. “Look out for a care package coming in the mail.”

6. “You are so bright; I know you can get through this."

7. “Take a break and relax for a little, you’ve been working so hard.”

8. “Go out with your friends, have some fun. Use your card, I will refill it.”

9. “Take a deep breath.”

10. “Everything will work out the way it's supposed to.”

11. "I love you."

She's got your back with everything that college throws at you.

1. Doctor.

2. Nutritionist.

3. Personal trainer.

4. Tutor.

5. Stylist.

6. Babysitter.

7. Therapist.

Just some relatable college student advice! Yes, you aren’t the only one!

1. Don’t buy Textbooks the first week of class.

2. Ratemyprofessor.com! PLEASE use it!

3. Don’t wear your lanyard or ID around your neck, it makes it obvious for everyone to know you’re a freshman.

4. Always bring a charger or headphones wherever you go.

5. Don’t miss out on the free food on campus.

6. You don’t always need to dress up…Trust Me!

7. Get More Involved!

8. Don’t feel pressured to hook-up with anyone.

9. The Freshman 15 is REAL! Don’t brush it off!

10. It’s OK to say NO!

11. Drinking / Partying doesn’t equal popularity.

12. Try to spend less time in your dorm.

13. It’s OK to change your major!

14. Always take an Uber or Lyft!

15. Never go to a party alone!

16. Start your resume early.

17. Keep your door open when in your room.

18. Get to know your professors.

19. You don’t really need an unlimited meal plan.

20. Procrastinate = LATE!

21. If you need to…sleep!

22. It’s also OK to say ‘no’ to going out all the time!

23. Take advantage of the free stuff on campus!

24. Not everyone in college drinks.

25. Community bathrooms aren’t THAT bad.

26. Please get along with your roommate.

27. Spotify/Apple Music Playlists!

28. Please clean your room frequently!

29. Please Go to Class….You’re paying for it!

30. Do the extra credit!

31. DON’T Pick 8 am Classes!

32. Use the resources on campus.

33. Eat at Dining Halls to save meals or even cook your own food.

34. Make sure to pick your classes on time!

35. Make every day count! College goes by QUICK!

It's partly by choice.

1. I'm shy.

2. I'm picky.

3. Different interests

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