Yes, you read that right. Just like the titular character Cher from the hit 90s classic, Clueless, I can't drive and I just happen to be a virgin. Those two examples are the only things that relate me to the character.

Thanks to being a first-generation college student who's paying out of pocket and scholarships, I don't have the perks of Cher's rotating closet or endless spending.

To really hit the nail of life, I also don't have a Paul Rudd to look at me tenderly while making the rest of the audience uneasy (if you have to say he wasn't her brother technically, then incest is definitely implied).

While other girls seem to be riding the fast-lane of life with relationships and risks, I've been taking it slow and steady. Very slow and very steady.

On a normal day, me getting risky would be spicing up my breakfast options, or maybe it would be me reading a new book in my never-ending collection, or anything else found in the 101 Ways To Be Dorky Guidebook.

These facts never struck me as humiliating until my first week of college, however.

I moved into the dorms with such a zest for life. I had decoration ideas racked up in my brain and icebreakers from Pinterest ready for use. To say I wasn't the most adorable or obvious Freshman would be a lie. There were literal stars in my eyes as I started this new journey. It wasn't until a few hours after my family left, that my senses were flooded by reality.

Girls my age walked around campus already making friends and starting relationships. They carried designer luggage for goodness sake while most of my stuff had to be brought up in laundry baskets (in fact it only took three trips to receive all of my belongings). These girls wore clothing and talked in such ways that I was taught to never dream up in my household. One girl even called me out in our GroupMe Floor Chat for telling her about her laundry.

Not to say that I have been living under a rock my entire life, but what I saw didn't match the world I was used to say the least. In my wildest fantasies, I didn't even dream that girls could be so advantageous and outgoing. Advantageous and outgoing, as in partying every single day of the week. They partied every single day of the week, last week. More specifically, they partied every single day of the week on the first week of school, during a pandemic.

But some part of me still envied these girls. They were sadly having more fun than I was in the beginning. The girls my age were adventurers and liked to live on the more bright side of life. These were not girls, but full grown women who spoke with gusto like they had been in court for years. They had the spending and Paul Rudds to keep them company. For the first time in my 17 years, I felt jealousy and uncontrollable shame. I spent that week crying almost every night. I asked the question of myself 'To I have to be like them, to be ready for life?'

These were definitely new standards of living to get used to. Just from one week of schooling, I felt unprepared. It was like someone had suddenly put a spotlight on my life. Instead of seeing a confident older girl who could drive and keep a steady relationship, someone would just see a very insecure and scared little girl.

I felt like I had missed a very important chapter of life everyone else had learned (and excelled at).

But while I was feeling sorry for myself, my suitemates pulled me out of my self-pitying. They made me realize the situation in full light. They made me realize the situation in full light with tea time and movie nights. My suitemates encouraged strength in me and brought laughter to my first lonely days.

I was undeniably healthy and more prepared for my actual classes. I didn't have a handle on the party scene but I wasn't far from what I came here to do in the first place.

Yes, I still can't drive and yes that virgin equation won't be solved anytime soon. But the dreams I had of starting a new journey didn't have to end.

I know now that I can take life at my own individual pace. If anything, it is actually working in my favor in making friendships with the people closest to me; my suitemates. They have seen me at my worst in just the last week but have still shown kindness and respect at every turn. Something that some of the girls my age still have yet to know. Taking it slow and steady has worked miracles on my mindset and my hope for the future. Aesop would be fucking proud of me at this moment.

So to every girl starting her college career, I procure you to take your time. There are so many things you can learn in a short span about yourself, if only you take that time. Let others find themselves in mere moments, but see yourself for who you really are. To those girls, please forget the movies and the headlines that showed brilliant girls in college, partying it up and taking on life at the very first stroke of it. I promise that it won't be that easy.

It takes courage to realize that in reality, you're not the person you want to be in the first light. I am a virgin who can't drive! I have test-taking anxiety and social anxiety, and more trust issues to overflow a room! All of this was realized in a week, annoyingly yet again a week of college. I am not like the girls my age in college. But I am worth something. I scream to the world I am worth something. I am more than my insecurities and my weaknesses. And yes, I am proud of who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I'm still learning what that means, but I know in the end it will all be worth it.

It's your move, world.