Cats. What interesting creatures. You know, they're felines, furry, ferocious. That's what you say about cats, right?

GOTCHA. To all cat people reading this, turn away, or you WILL be offended.

First of all, cats are gross. I will say it until the end: they are the absolute worst. They piddle inside a box, they rub up against you, they claw and hiss at you (or at least me) whenever you go near. Why do people even try to pretend they are the superior pet? Clearly something that could cause more harm than good is not something you want living under your roof.

Here's why.

1. They sneak up on you.

Any cat owner has to admit that they've been scared by their cat at least once before. Whether it's when you're walking into your bedroom and they bolt out from underneath the bed, or in your kitchen when the fridge light reflects off of those eyes in the dark.. They're freaky.

2. They sometimes grow up to be naked.

That in itself eliminates anything good about cats in one fellow swoop. Who wants to stroke the pink fat rolls of a cat without fur? You might as well be snuggling up to a big old lizard.

3. They scratch people.

What rational human wants to come home to a thing that will attack them as soon as they get there? Call me crazy, but after a long day, a nice cut to my face just doesn't sound all that appealing.

(My heart goes out to this woman... she has lived my hell)

4. They don't play with you.

They sit there and rub all up on you, but they don't fetch, or kiss you, or really give anything in return. Essentially,they're not dogs.

So I guess what I'm trying to say to all the cat people out there is it's never too late to jump ship and become a dog person. I know this sounds crazy, but you don't have to live in constant fear of your pet! I promise I will only judge you a little bit for taking this long to see that cats are the spawn of Satan. But, you made it, and that's all that matters.

Next time you're thinking about adopting a pet, look at these pictures of puppies and then tell me you still want a cat

Good luck in making your transition cat people, you're making the right choice.