Hey girls,
As times have changed, so have romantic relationships. Call me old-fashioned, but I definitely do not agree with the aspects that modern dating entails. We tend to lower our standards and stray away from God when we get into a romantic relationship. We need to make sure that we stick to our morals no matter what.
Here are some questions I believe that you should ask yourself as well as your significant other:
1) What do you think about sex before marriage? What about hooking up?
Personally, I do not want to hit home base until after I am married. If a guy does not agree with me on that matter, then I do not have any interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. And let's just say I do not agree with the hook-up culture that is so prevalent on our college campuses. I do not want to do anything with a guy that I just met at party.
2) Are you proud of the number of people you have dated or been in a relationship with?
I know some people who personally boast about how many relationships they've been in. I have only dated four guys so far and I am definitely not proud of the fact that none of those relationships worked out. I believe that you do gain experience and learn lessons after a failed relationship. However, I do not think that you have experience with guys if you have dated 20 people throughout your middle school and high school years. If you have dated that many people before your freshman year of college, then either you have too much time on your hands, you are insecure with being a single lady, or you are not looking at long-term goals. I understand that most of the time that your very first relationship in high school or college will not work out (unless you're ridiculously lucky of course), but you need to think about whether you would be able to marry this man in a few years and maintain that relationship for the rest of your life. I understand that thinking that far ahead is difficult, but you will less likely have your heart broken.
3) What do you think about players? What would you do if your significant other was cheating on you?
People who cheat on their significant others absolutely disgust me. I do not want to associate myself with anyone who is dishonest because I do not want to lower my standards or stray from my morals. If my significant other cheated on me, I would dump them immediately because I know I deserve better. Furthermore, I know that if I cheated on my significant other that I would regret it for the rest of my life.
4) What qualities do you believe that a healthy relationship should have? What red flags would signal an unhealthy relationship?
A healthy relationship is a two way street. It takes two to tango. Healthy relationships entitle effectively communicating with each other, resolving arguments that arise, respecting each other's decisions, making sure there is consent, being loyal and faithful, and always being honest no matter what to your partner. Some red flags I would be looking for is how your man talks to people who are below him (such as janitors, waitresses etc), treats animals, breaking up, any emotional/verbal/physical abuse, flirting with other girls, his criminal record/involvement with the police, or the fact that you're the one who is constantly initiating the conversation.
5) What kind of characteristics do you look for in a man?
If you're like me (a Christian), you should look for a man who is rooted deeply in the Lord. If you date a man who does not believe in God, you will have difficulty maintaining a strong relationship with God. Remember that your relationship with God is more important than a relationship with any man out there. I know that since I have high standards to maintain as well as intentions to join the military, finding a good man to be on my side is more difficult. I know that I personally do not want to be a relationship with a civilian dude because he will not understand the struggles that I will face while serving my country.
Other characteristics I look for are:
-He sees your beauty and worth even when others don't
-He will protect you and listen to you
- He supports you through the good, the bad, and the ugly
-He understands your struggles
-He values your time
-He does not just want to make out with you but he wants to learn more about you personally
-He's a great cuddler, kisser, and has a way with massages
-He's older than you (basically dating younger guys are a dead end because guys are generally less mature than girls their age)
-He responds to your texts as soon as he can
-He asks how your day has been and how you're feeling
-He's the one who initiates the conversation
-He's not too clingy, he respects the fact that you would like to be an independent, young lady as well
-He's not afraid to brag about you on social media
-He treats you like a queen
-He pays for your meal, holds the door open for you etc.
-He does not expect anything in return (though you should give him gifts during Christmas time or on his birthday and be present at significant events that he will be attending or receiving awards at)
-He has self-discipline and self-control. He refrains from drinking, going out too much, and doing drugs.
-He knows that fast relationships usually do not work out and will choose the slower route
-He is patient with you
-In general, he is a gentleman
6) What do you think about friends with benefits or open relationships?
I am the type of person that thinks in black and white. Either you're single or you're taken. I do not believe in being in an open relationship because why would I waste time with someone who is not fully invested in me? Also, if your relationship status is complicated, you are still taken. You're still dating that person and you have an obligation to remain loyal to him unless you break up.
7) What do you think about breaking up? About ex-boyfriends? About getting back together?
I think that there's a certain point when you do need to move on or else you're wasting your time. If your partner is not supporting your interests or is in general not really taking the time to make you their priority, then there's no point in being in that relationship. You should not cling onto someone who does not genuinely care about you. Yes, breaking up is difficult, especially if you're not the one who actually initiates it, but bigger and better things will be coming your way. If you do break up, you should remain broken up. You should not attempt to get back together because usually continuing the relationship will spiral into disaster.
Yes, I understand that we all have negative viewpoints about ex-boyfriends. I know a lot of us harbor bitter feelings especially if your ex cheated on you. You should try to let go of any grudges you have against him because holding grudges is unhealthy mentally, physically, and emotionally. Remember that God forgives us for our sins on a daily basis and you should be willing to forgive your ex for any transgressions he committed against you. Just like you, your ex is not a perfect man nor will he ever be. Remaining friends with them can be awkward and uncomfortable, but you should still treat them with respect and love them from a distance. Furthermore, should try to keep the conversation with them as minimal as possible. If they have been especially abusive toward you or you are fearing that they will retaliate against you, you can always request a restraining order.
8) What do you think about online dating? What would you do if you found out your boyfriend had an account on Tinder?
Personally, I have trust issues with people in general. As a girl, there is more danger when you associate yourself with strangers online. There are sex offenders who set up accounts on dating websites and there are people who set up fake profiles (and look nothing like the picture they put up online).
Most of all, I am not that desperate to find someone to love and never will be. I'd rather spend my time online checking my email than taking the time to set up a profile on a dating app.
(Obviously, if you would like to meet someone online, that is your choice and your choice alone. I cannot stop you from doing something I do not personally agree with. Just please follow your instincts: if something feels wrong, then it probably is wrong. You can always swipe left or discontinue talking with that person if they're making you feel uncomfortable.)
If I found out from someone that my boyfriend had an account on a dating website, that would be an immediate red flag. The message he would be saying to the world is: I'm single and I'm open to any girl out there. It shows that he is not mature enough to be committed solely to me and I would break up with him immediately.
Anything else to add?
Always keep your standards high. A guy who is intimidated by you or not on the same page as you is NOT worth your time or your energy. Never ever lower your standards to any guy out there because it is never worth it.
Also, don't worry if you have never dated before or are currently single. You do not need a significant other to live a significant life. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, and amazing just the way you are. Remember that the Father up above will always love you with every ounce of His heart. You are a child of a King.
