Three years ago, I had my heart ripped out and broken by someone who I loved deeply. It was on the day that would have been our three year anniversary and I remember thinking that I had never felt so betrayed in my life. He never really gave me a specific reason; he just beat around the bush and said that he “wanted to focus on school”, but for me that wasn’t a good enough reason for breaking up with me on our three-year anniversary. Still, he would not take back what he had done and pretended like he had forgotten all about me within the months to come.

I went through the stages most people go through after a break up. First came the depression. Some nights I pathetically cried because I started thinking about him, I stopped eating normally, I didn’t go out with friends; basically I moped around thinking that behaving that way was going to help me. But I was wrong.

Finally, I wised up and moved on to the next step: becoming heartless. Now when you think of heartless people, you may say “well that’s pretty stupid to change yourself to be that way” or “being heartless isn’t good for you”, but actually, being heartless helped me to be the person I am today; a stronger, more independent person.

Being heartless taught me to never settle, ever. Never settle for someone who isn’t all for you. Do not tolerate someone who doesn’t like what you do and who you stand for. Do not settle for someone who constantly and brutally harasses you for something you love or something that makes you “you”. Never settle for anything less than the best.

After my break up, my new heartless self learned to always love me before I love anyone else. I found a new appreciation for who I was and realized that I am a pretty damn awesome human being and no boy, or anyone, could take that away from me.

Being heartless taught me to do no harm, but take no sh*t. Just because you had your heart broken and you were treated badly does not mean you should take that out on someone else. Do not take that hate and anger and force it onto someone else and be a bully in your next relationship. I know from personal experience that you may carry bad habits you learned from your significant other into the next relationship, but do not harm anyone just because you are hurting. That also goes to say that you should not let people walk all over you when you’re hurting. Do not let someone else do what they did to you; stand up for yourself. Love that person and allow yourself to be loved in return. If they don’t treat you right, then you need to do what is best for you and get yourself out.

The most important and probably the most helpful thing that I learned from being heartless was that I needed to step out of my comfort zone and be a risk taker. Gone were the days of traipsing after a boy who wasn’t putting any effort in to talk to me. I learned that if a boy didn’t make the first move, I could (and that it would totally work). I realized that I would much rather say: “I can’t believe I did that” than “Why didn’t I do that?” Being heartless gave me a form of courage that I never had and it paid off. After I had my heart broken, I became a new person, like I had gone through some kind of crazy Twilight Zone metamorphosis. I loved the person I found deep inside.

I have found a new light in someone who loves me unconditionally and I no longer consider myself heartless because I am whole now. I know break ups and betrayals are hard, but never, ever let anyone tell you that being heartless is a bad thing. Being heartless is a step in the healing process that is going to help you move on, but more importantly, better yourself for the future.