As a senior in high school, I thought I had all of my life together. I had a boyfriend of over a year that I was head over heels for; I got into my first choice college; my GPA was at its highest; and I was finally getting out of my small town. But as usual, the world has a way of letting everything fall apart at once to see just how strong you can be. Three weeks before I was about to start my journey into a new world of freedom and fear, my boyfriend dumped me as soon as I got home from a vacation. Now, I won't act like I took it well. I cried myself to sleep while lying in my mom's arms one night too many, but mostly, I felt lost. I was about to begin a whole new life without him by my side to pick me up just like always. For the first time, I had gotten my heart broken, but lucky for me, mending my heart was possible. It would just take a while.
I set out into the world feeling truly alone. I'm sure you're expecting some story of superb triumph where I made tons of friends and found my true love, but that's wrong—kind of. Or maybe you are looking for some sap story of how I dropped out and moved home to live in my parents' basement till the end of time. Well, my room is currently in the basement of my parents' house, but I like to think of it as my summer vacation home, not a permanent residence. Anyway, what actually happened was I did find a true love, but not some fairy tale love. It was a love for myself. Without having anyone to hold my hand or be my rock, I learned to be my own rock. I began to see my flaws as something to love endlessly—because if I didn't, then who else would? I embraced them so much that it was through them I made friends with people that I can imagine spending a lifetime of laughter with. I became my own person for the first time in my then only 18 years of existence.
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Now at 20, going on 21, I've stopped looking for someone to "complete" me and began to hope for someone who completely loves me for my past, present and unpredictable future. If I could, I would tell 17-year-old me it's OK to fall for that blue-eyed boy in his jacked up truck, OK to stay out way too late, to make more mistakes than you think you actually should and to not go out partying. I can't say I would change a thing, because if I did, then I would still be trying to find who I am through another person. I am inspired, though, by those who have found the one who loves them truly at a young age because I strive to find that now that I've begun to find myself.
Parts of me won't be uncovered alone. The man who can see my true worth will be the one to hop on the speeding train I endlessly ride on. Heartbreak is one of life's biggest lessons. It's also one of the hardest and most complicated. It comes in all forms and decides to sneak up on us. It causes you to build towering walls around your fragile heart in hopes of keeping out the bad, when all it does is prevent good from finding its way in. It's fine to guard your heart, but build a home—not a wall. Have a front door so you can welcome those who want to walk in. It also allows for you to show some the way out. A home is also a sturdy foundation of love and forgiveness. Don't let a broken heart leave you broken, but use it as an excuse to grow and love even deeper.
Think of life like a calculus equation—when solving for love, the limit does not exist.
