March 9th. A Friday, behind the bowling alley - the day in which I lost the one I took for granted. The one which I thought I would call my own for, essentially forever. 7 months on and my heart still aches for you, the late night laughs, the good morning messages, the cuddles, the kisses and most importantly of all, your presence. The presence which saved me in my loneliest of times and made me feel what I thought to be whole.

The innocence felt in a first relationship is one that you'll never forget, ensuring that I will never forget those late summer nights cuddled up, watching netflix and talking about our past, promising to love one another forever and always. Whilst reminiscing my heart seems to completely dismiss the reasons for which we parted, the countless fights and tears shed by the both of us, the secrets, the lies , the manipulation and most importantly of all, the biggest loss of connection and loss of myself as a person. In loving you I forgot to love myself, and after losing you I have undergone the biggest journey of my entire life.

So many countless late nights spend crying to my pillow wondering if I'd ever be your girl again, sad songs and hopelessly trying to fill the void you left, with myself only just realising, seven fucking months later, that it is only myself that can fill the void. I'm writing you this as an attempt to truly and finally let you go, a task in which I have deemed impossible.

You were my first love, my first kiss, my first everything and you would always hold that special place in my heart. It was you who taught me how to love and I will forever appreciate that, as I'm sure others after you will. You have found another one now and I hope she is more than I ever was, and now it is my turn to begin loving myself and hopefully my prince will come along one day, after I, myself, pick up the broken pieces you left me. It still hurts to admit that we were never meant to be, the dream wedding, home and kids names we planned will never happen -- but that is just something I have to overcome on my journey in life. In saying all this I cant thank you enough for everything you taught me in our 16 months together - you taught me I was beautiful, you taught me the right and wrong ways to love and also that cheesy fries are amazing.

Lastly, I wish you complete and total happiness and thank you for being my first love and my first heartbreak - the story I will tell my next. Thank you for loving me in my best times and making me feel like a princess but fuck you for leaving me in my worst and treating me like I was nothing.

This is me finally letting go. Goodbye, M.