Sometimes things get broken, and you don’t always realize it. Like when a tire has a leak and you don’t see it until suddenly it’s flat, often in the most inconvenient times. People break for lots of different reasons, and often it isn’t the reasons that matter. For me the continuous problem is that I give so much of myself, my whole heart not just a piece— which is a beautiful trait, when you need someone to love you unconditionally, I’m literally like a pro. Until one moment, when finally the bruises have all collected into one large x and suddenly, my very full overwhelmingly open heart, gets a little shattered.

So my first piece of advice, don’t have shooting practice on someone else’s heart. Meaning, don’t use someone else to build yourself up. There is this great big group of people who are the kind of people that will believe in you, through everything, even after you’ve hurt them. They will tell you that you are beautiful and important and make you want to care for them because you can see that people have misused them before, but be careful not to lead them on. They will see the very best in you, be achingly careful to keep that line clear. It’s so easy to get caught up in the beauty of being believed in and treated well, don’t get so carried away that you forget to look out for them too. It can be the worst thing in the world to pour yourself into someone and have them cut you out, but it can also be the best thing for that person, especially when you know you won’t ever feel the same. But be careful, don’t say things like I’ll love you no matter what and nothing will ever change that, when them falling in love with you will cause you to push them away. People like that will believe everything you say to them, I know because I’m one of them, so take care with your words. Don’t give them any more reason to distrust the world, please and thank you.

And for the people like me, or anyone really: DON’T BUILD YOUR SELF-WORTH ON THE SCALFOLDING OF SOMEONE ELSE’S LOVE. A) Because people will let you down, every time. That doesn’t mean don’t trust them or don’t forgive them. It means that when they let you down or when you no longer have your rock, you don’t feel like you’re sinking because you were not built on their shoulders. When someone believes in you and is there for you when no one else has been before, it is so so easy to build yourself out of their words and find your identity in that adoration. But words and emotions are feeble, people will change and, again, they will let you down; you are made out of so much more than the opinion or love of a boy who could leave tomorrow. B) You are built in the image of the Creator of the whole entire freaking universe. Hello. You aren’t on accident, the great God of the universe created you for a specific purpose, if that isn’t the best example of someone believing in you I don’t know what is. So please, do tell me, why not build yourself on His shoulders, then? Find your identity in the love of Jesus Christ, who was there for you by means of dying on the cross for your sin. Your sin specifically. Someone once mentioned that Jesus would’ve died on the cross for me, to save only me from only my own sin, that’s how much I mean to Him. And guess what, the same goes for you, too. He is there for your every prayer, and He wants what’s best for you, and He will love you no matter how many times you screw up or how many times you don’t. You don’t have to win His affection, you already have it and it really isn’t going anywhere. Live like it. Look in the mirror and see that the blood of Jesus Christ has made you knew and whole and beautiful, not that some boy didn’t like you and has broken your heart. Not that he didn’t love you, and it must be because your eyebrows don’t match or your stomachs too big or your thighs jiggle. And look at your soul and see that it is teeming with the reflection of the beauty that is God almighty. See that He has placed stars in your heart and flowers in your soul. Not that some guy chose a different girl, and it must be because you’re stubborn and blatantly imperfect.

For me, being broken and having built my confidence out of the thin threads of someone else’s opinion of me, meant that when he left I no longer liked myself. I didn’t pay attention to if I liked my reflection or if I liked my soul, because deep down I felt like maybe he didn’t and obviously there has to be something wrong with me. (see paragraph two, sentence: we believe in people after they hurt us) Honestly, I didn’t even realize it. That the bitterness and brokenness, the wound had made me not recognize myself anymore. That when I looked inward, I no longer saw the things I liked about myself and instead saw that I was broken. So to my broken homies out there, don’t fail to see the beauty amongst the shards.

And maybe my final lesson for now, is take the time to heal. Sometimes it gets lonely believing in yourself and sometimes the cute guy who has everything you look for seems like a better option to put your energy towards. But focus on you and Jesus. Take the time to learn yourself again and build yourself up. Fall in love with yourself again. Fall in love with Jesus again. Search for the beauty that is inside of you, for once. And continue to search for the beauty in the world, find new things to love and new people to love. Never stop giving of yourself to this world. It’s so easy to become hard-hearted when you don’t take the time to heal. I received some precious words of wisdom from a dear friend when I headed off to college that read: remember that you are enough. Write that on your heart.

You are enough. Tattoo it to your smile and your jiggly thighs and the stars in your soul. Embrace yourself again, put down your hatred and hurt, and sew up the wounds. Heal, become whole again. You are enough. Jesus is more than enough. It is time to water the garden again; it is time to heal.