Note: I speak on what I've experienced, not for all women or all experiences everywhere.

I was fifteen when I learned that boys don’t like no

When love from a boy meant hands forcing down the back of my head

When he locked me in and told me I couldn’t leave until he got what he wanted

I was fifteen when I first learned what the phrase “see, it wasn’t that bad” meant

When my no would become him saying “I knew you actually wanted it”

I was fifteen when it was either be tossed into the night to walk home alone

Or let him take what he wanted from me.

Boys don’t like no,

Especially when it comes often and with tears.

Afterwards he told me he loved me, and I thought that was love

But if that was love, why did it give me nightmares?

I was fifteen, and I thought my rape was love.

I was eighteen and I still said no,

But by now I knew men don’t even hear no

I was eighteen when I learned that no meant “convince me”

I was eighteen and I said no as he put his hands down my pants

When I struggled to pull away, but he told me he knew I really wanted it

I was eighteen when no didn’t work so I decided to just get it over with

Because I thought that was how love worked -

I was eighteen and I thought coercion was love.

I was nineteen when a car full of men pulled a gun on me

Because I stood up for myself against their street harassment.

I was nineteen when my dad said I should’ve known better

That I shouldn’t have stood up for myself because I brought their reaction on myself

I was nineteen when he told me I should’ve known better, but “at least they think you’re pretty.”

At twenty I know most of my friends have been either harassed, assaulted, or raped by an acquaintance, a friend, their partner, or a family member.

And at twenty, I’m not putting up with this shit anymore.