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He isn't worth it.

I will tell myself again and again until I am at peace.

Katherine Avery

Sep 02, 2016

Atlanta, Georgia

196

I’m feel scared to live because I’m afraid I’ll have my heart ripped out more viciously this time. I feel like life wants me to fall and feel miserable. Nothing ever seems to work out with a significant other, whether I pursue it or I don’t. I have been ill. I can't sit still, can't think. I desire all the love and support I can get.

He left me for another girl. He ghosted me then I see him with another girl on social media.

What a monster. How dare you do the same thing that was done to me back when my ex and I were sixteen. You are in your mid-twenties. This kind of behavior should be non-existent with someone your age. I know I’m worth more than that. So why can't you see it? I wish I didn't care what you think of me.

I am better than this. I think. I he doesn't talk about me like I'm a joke. I’m not just a “little girl." Right? When will I learn to love myself without a guy? CAN I even learn to love myself without someone in the picture?

I have got to keep in mind that I'm on a good path. I'm in college, making good grades, I have some amazing friends. I can’t break guys. I can’t give up because of heart break.

At the same time, I feel like anyone who breaks my heart should be punished. Jesus Christ. What is going through is head? Does he think I'm stupid enough just not to care?

I'm on my knees, begging for help. I’m devastated and I can’t get his face out of my head.

I’ve been taking so many risks in my life, and I don’t know if I completely like it. I should maybe stop and calm down. I’m not at peace with myself, and forcing myself out of my comfort zone only gives me anxiety. I don’t know why I do the things I do. Sometimes I hope for a good reaction. My friends tell me I need to reach out to someone professional, I think they're right. It will be the only way to feel normal again.

I just have to remember, when I'm having these anxiety episodes, that I’m stronger than I think. He is not worth it. I will say it a million times until I can learn. I will say it until I can no longer see his face when I close my eyes. I'm afraid of him. Isn't it funny how admiration can turn into fear?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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