"Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy, but he is not the Sun; you are." – "Grey's Anatomy
We've all dreamed about it; meeting "the love of our life" or "our person," as they say on Grey's Anatomy. I know sometimes love, or even the potential for love, can feel like a rollercoaster and a high and everything you've ever been looking for. I know you want to make him happy, and you want to make him feel appreciated and loved. I know you want him to think you are the most wonderful girl he's ever laid eyes on.
Guess what? You are. You are the greatest and the most wonderful; before him, with him, and if he should ever choose to leave. You are still and always: great, and beautiful and worthy. Do not ever let a man define you. Do not ever let a man control you, devalue you or alter you in any way unless it is an alteration that is positive and conscious.
I have seen it happen time and time again. I, myself, am not perfect in any way, shape or form. I have made my share of mistakes in the relationship department. I just want the women in my generation, and all generations, to know that it is so important to chase your purpose. Please don't let anyone hold you back from that. Please don't choose your college, or your career, to appease a boy. (Notice I said boy, because a man would never ask you to do that.)
Please don't plan your clothes, your music or especially your life around someone who may very well be temporary; because the temporary leave and then you are left with a shell of your former self, someone you've tried to be to please the temporary. Please make your own dreams and chase them fiercely. If he is truly the one who hung the moon and who makes you feel like you have found all the answers, he will want your dreams for you as much as you want them for yourself, maybe even more.
If you're someone who love books with all their being, wait for that man whose life mission is to build you a library. Better yet, build your own library; and when the right one comes along, you can fill it together. Go to concerts, take classes that make you question the universe, take a road trip with your best friend; do it all. Find yourself and love that person; love yourself so much that whoever comes along will just be a complement to the brilliant and strong soul that you already are. You are not unfinished; please never let anyone make you feel that way.
Wait for someone who sees all the constellations in you. Wait for someone that makes you feel even more beautiful and whole and appreciated than you already do. Wait for someone who builds you up, and encourages you in all of your endeavors; and while you are waiting, be that person for yourself. Never stop being there for yourself. Be your number one fan.
I'm here to tell you that you are worthy of so much more than a man's love. While love is a blessing and a gift; it should not be controlling, condescending or inconsistent. Real love is unconditional. Real love is teamwork; it is not one person planning out a life that will leave you unfulfilled and unhappy.
Have that unconditional love for yourself, first. Choose yourself, first. Chase your dreams first; maybe even be lucky enough to have the right person chase them with you; but please know that you will never regret being everything you've always wanted to be. Remember that He is not the sun... you are.
