My go-to order at Starbucks is an iced green tea latte with coconut milk. For most people, they would be able to say, "Hi. I'd like an iced green tea latte with coconut milk."
For me, it would go a little something like this: "Hi. I'd like an iced green tea latte with c-c-co-sorry excuse me *nervous laughter* co-sorry again, coconut milk." A wave of embarrassment would wash over me as I nervously chuckled while I swiped my debit card and scurried away to wait for my drink.
I can't count how many times a professor has called on me to answer a question in class, and because of my stutter, I didn't answer. I just shrugged my shoulders or shook my head because nothing could come out of my mouth. I can't tell you how many times "oh, I forgot" or "not sure" fell out of my mouth just simply because I didn't want my answer to sound like someone revving up a lawnmower.
To be frank, my stutter is probably my biggest insecurity. Growing up, I battled having a stutter. Since I was a little kid running around the playground, I was stammering. Throughout middle school and high school and during my college years, stuttering was a part of me. Being candid here, it has always made me incredibly self-conscious because whenever I'd meet people for the first time, I'd be afraid that my stutter would come out to play. I always find myself apologizing when it happens because I don't know how else to ease that embarrassing moment.
My stutter has always been a menace with words that have such a harsh beginning (pepperoni, cookie, sixty), or there's alliteration involved (learning Peter Piper was not a fun time) or any "wh-" words (What's with the weather?). Sometimes I'd stress myself out so much and make myself nervous that I would try to power through the stutter and sound like static, or I'd shut down and say something completely different. Throughout icebreakers on that first day of class when we're supposed to tell our name, hometown, major and fun fact, I faced a huge challenge.
Being from Mississippi, the repetitive 's' sounds in the state's name just mess me up. A majority of the time, I say that I'm from McComb, a small town near Louisiana. Usually, people give a weird look and ask, "So, you're from Mississippi?"
Ironically, things have slowly changed. As I've gone through more years of college, it's been funny because most people have been surprised when I stutter. After knowing me for a while, they've either never noticed it or waited for me to bring it up.
With all of this being said, I want to share some wisdom with readers when you encounter someone with a stutter.
WE'RE NOT DUMB
I've noticed that some people relate my speech impediment with my level of intelligence. Speaking from experience, just because I can't say a word, does not mean that I don't know it. My brain and mouth just cannot form an answer at the moment. Give us a moment. We're trying. We plan out every single detail of a conversation that we're going to have because we don't want to risk having a stuttering mishap.
DON'T PITY US
I completely understand that you're trying to comprehend our words. Don't feel bad for us. Don't feel like you have to make special accommodations for us. We're just like everyone else, we just sound a bit different.
BE KIND
I've had friends who have finished words for me, spoken for me when I've asked and have just been patient. One of my best friends, Alanna, actually encouraged me to watch the movie, "The King's Speech." I've had friends who have been fine with me texting them something instead of actually saying it. You may not know, but your patience and understanding really mean a lot to us.
You may be thinking, "Well, what's your major? Definitely, something that doesn't require you to speak in front of people."
For a while, I juggled my options. Should I become a web developer? An archivist? A computer programmer? Because I like to make life more difficult for myself, I decided on majoring in communications. Because I have a passion for people and I love telling stories, I decided to tackle the world of news broadcasting.
That's right. The kid with a stutter decided to become a news reporter. I wanted to show people that just because I sound funny, I can someday achieve my goal of becoming a network news anchor. Tiger Woods stutters. Samuel L. Jackson stutters. Even former vice-president, Joe Biden, is a member of the stuttering family.
Don't let your stutter define you. I almost gave up my dream career because of my lack of confidence. Some days you may feel like "Why me?" or you may want to wear a muzzle forever. Don't let your stutter hold you back. You never know what magic you could be withholding. Trust me on that.