Tonight. It hit me. I was doing 85 down 20 trying to decide if we were going to the city or the mountains. You're riding shotgun but the radio doesn't work. So per usual of our car rides, when you're not singing, or crying, and we're not blabbing on about our favorite band, you're screaming.

And you scream so loud that, for a second, I forgot what inspired that car ride. I forgot everything I'd seen you go through the last few weeks, I forgot holding your hand while you cried for hours, and I forgot the dull aching in my heart simply from knowing yours was hurting so much worse. I forgot the anvil dropping in my stomach when I thought I lost you. It all happened so fast, but in that second I realized so much.

It's been a full year, a full 365 days since I knew that you were going to be my friend. The things we've conquered in the last 12 months, phenomenal. I'm still learning so much about you every single day, and that's wild to me. I've never met a person with so much depth, so much to say, so much to do and feel. I think you said it best, we never run out of things to talk about. We can tell each other the same stories again and again or laugh at the same joke, cry at the same song. We are so insanely similar with such driving differences between us, it still amazes me.

I've never had consistent friends before, I've never had one person who's there constantly. Someone who is there both when I need them and when I don't. Not only are you there for me, I don't have to ask you to be, you just do it. You're just this kickass constant in my life, and that's terrifying. You are the one thing (besides my mom and my sister) I can always depend on. Whether I want chocolate milk & barbecue chips when I'm sick, or I'm crying in the bathroom floor so hard I can't breathe and I'm doing everything I can to stay alive.

I won't make this one of this cheesy ass thank you letters, I will make it a declaration of my admiration of you and our friendship. Because that is the kind of extra ass people we are.

I hope you never have to wonder how loved you are. I hope you know I will go on 2:00 a.m. car rides with you any day of the week. I will dance in target with you. I will make grocery store runs the most lit time you have ever had. I promise to not leave. I promise you're stuck with me. (you only bought the 90-day warranty sorry bud).